Stardonic

After making the Japs swoon, we’re now making the Polish weep. [Link] Aren’t we a fortunate lot to experience the golden years of Indian cinema!

To call yourself a fan of Indian movies is far more demanding than eating the occasional vindaloo and samosa and calling yourself an Indian foodie.

Everyone knows how much store Indians set by their gurus. Digression: let that be lesson no.1. A typical Indian Guru has almost nothing to do with Marisa Tomei or Heather Graham. And ladies, the guru typically looks less like Jimi Mistry, and more like him. End digression. So, pay heed to the voice of experience:

Rule 1: Learn to distinguish the subtle nuances between different Indian sub-cultures. Definition of hero material is different in the south from what it is in the north. Don’t worry too much about it if you can’t make out one hairy chap from another. With enough practice, you will one day be able to tell your Khans and Kanths apart. I promise.

Rule 2: Aging Hollywood queens go away, well most of the time. Indian ones are more likely to rule a state or two. So if you fall for a svelte Indian lass (browse rest of this site for lots of examples), be prepared to stick around as you watch them go from looking like this to looking like this. And in case you were curious, the men never go away. Ever.

Rule 3: Do not let your new found interest make you give up watching Hollywood movies. If you forget your Hollywood movies, you’ll never be able to play the Indian movie-watcher’s all time favorite game “Now-what-does-that-remind-me-of?” I cannot stress this enough, for if you can’t play this game, you’ll be shunned in the real and virtual world alike.

I could go on for ever, but being a good guru, would like to you a chance to acquire your own tastes. [1]

I don’t know what dissatifaction with your own movies drove you to Indian movies. But we’re happy you chose our movies, and look forward to French, Polish and Japanese blogs dissing Nayanthara. [2]

[1] I’m also under strict instruction from the powers that be that I am to keep it short.

[2] For blog-charter compliance purposes.

PS: I’m the latest addition to SilverScreen. Karthik & Manoj seem to have adopted me at some point, and even if you’re not, boy, am I glad they did!