Stardonic

Actress Gopika has a few tips for Actress Bhavana.

As Bhavana has a good reputation as a character artiste, Gopika has advised her to sustain that status. According to her, once an actress gets into the glamour tagline, it is very difficult to obtain good roles which have immense potential for performance.{Link}

Deja frickin’ Vu. This reminded me of a conversation I had with a fellow Stardonicator on the advantages of dating cheerleaders over supermodels. I told him the same thing, “Dude, once you get into the glamour tagline, it is difficult to obtain a good life which has immense potential for performance.” Then he and I burst out laughing and exchanged member passwords for naughtycheerleaders.com and sexysupermodels.com

Vidya Balan joins a long list of Indian celebrities who have had “look-alikes” bathing or undressing with a camcorder pointed at them. Even more interesting is the research finding of some Chennai-based investigative porno-journo who unearthed this fact.

Whether morphed or look alike, the MMS clip is doing rounds among the youngsters in Chennai. According to youngsters who regularly received such clips, they prefer MMS clips of actors and famous models. {Link}

Of course they do. Youngsters love to imagine that grainy image on their 150×150 phonescreen is their favorite actress dropping her skirt when the boyfriend yelled ‘Action’. And in this case, they knew for sure it was Vidya Balan when the model dropped her clothes and shrieked “Good Morniiiiiiiiing Chennai”.

Madhavan says:

“Very rarely do offbeat movies become box-office hits. Audience should welcome such movies for the betterment of the industry,” {Link}

Stardonic says:

Paarthale Paravasam

Madhavan says:

Movies with offbeat themes have become a rarity. Audience should welcome such attempts. {Link}

Stardonic says:

Priyasakhi

Madhavan says:

It is my desire to be part of movies which have different story line and an honest attempt to take films to a higher level. {Link}

Stardonic says:

Dil Vil Pyar Vyar, Jay Jay, Aethirree, Thambi….

But like all publications are quick to point out, she got married to Boman Irani – the real estate developer, not the middle-aged character actor who most recently played a middle-aged cop in Don. Strangely enough, Boman Senior has an equally funky-named wife.

‘No, not the actor but the real-estate developer… You know when my Boman met the actor Boman’s wife, Zenobia, he told her maybe they should whip up something together. (Link)

Well played, Boman Junior. Reminds me of the time I tried to get Manoj interested in Aishwarya Rai, and a potential whipping session thereafter. But the snob insisted on wrapping up ‘The Sixth Sense’ first. Damn you Shyamalan!

So here’s hoping the wedding was fun. And by fun, we mean, hope everyone who attended made an increasingly bad version of a ‘Oh, it’s not you, Boman?’ joke to an increasingly frustrated Boman Sr. while winking at Xenophobia. Sorry, I mean Periculous Zoroastrian. Oh, whatever!

…says Sunny Deol.

I’m not good at interviews. I’m uncomfortable in print also. When you sit down to express yourself you end up saying things that you may not mean the way it sounds. But it’s too late. You end up sounding like an idiot. {Link}

Good ol’ self-deprecating Sunny. Surely you can’t be that bad. Wait, what’s that about art cinema?

I get really irritated by distinctions like art and commercial cinema. What’s art cinema? Cinema that only a handful like? But if I like commercial films, they are art for me. These coinages are corny. {Link}

Hmmm, go on…

My creative thoughts are simmering. I often find it difficult to listen to other people’s ideas. That’s why I need to exercise creative control over my films. I’ve collected so much knowledge on cinema over the years. From now on I’ll be involved in every creative aspect of a film. {Link}

Alright, that’s enough. You were right, we were wrong. God! we were wrong. But you got one thing going for you, Sunny baba. You are NOT a liar. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Swarnamalya, former host of Sun TV’s Ilamai Pudhumai (translates to ‘Chennai’s Lamest Teenagers’) was in town releasing some DVD.

Swarnmalya, who has acted in many films including the forthcoming Mozhi, recently launched a DVD of her dances. {Link}

Like always, actor Prashant added a megaton of star-power to the event by holding the DVD gingerly between his hands and posing for, what we are guessing was, the only photographer there (nice job, Swarnamalya’s Mom).

We’d also like to guess again and say Prashant surely thought he was releasing a DVD of a different kind – a high-definition version of the scandalous MMS clip allegedly featuring Swarnamalya. We can only imagine his frustration as he kept skipping chapters and seeking out Easter Eggs on the DVD. After which he probably checked his answering machine and heard producer AM Ratnam returning his call to shoot down an idea for a Moondru Mugam remake. Sad & depressed, he probably walked over to the gun drawer, caught a glimpse of Swarnamalya dancing on the TV screen and realized his life was not that bad after all.

So yeah, basically, the DVD is a must-buy. Oh wait, that was the Padma Subramaniam DVD.

Ever imagined what would happen if you saw Ileana and Mamta Mohandas on screen, in the same Telugu movie? Well, we can tell you, cos’ we have. Projector rooms would explode all over Andhra Pradesh, triggering a chain reaction that would culminate in a second Big Bang. Science, pure and simple.

While even we had given up on the idea, director Krishna Vamsi thought of something original (maybe a first for a desi director). He made Mamta sing playback for Ileana. Genius, Vamsi-garu. Now we know how you landed Ramya.

Krishna Vamsi is directing a film featuring NTR Jr and Ileana. The music is by Devisriprasad. He has given Mamta a song to sing and it will be picturised on Ileana. {Link}

So, can Mamta sing? Yes. She had extensive classical training under the tutelage of the great Chalakudi Bhagavathar and…actually No, we don’t know, and frankly, we don’t care. We just needed an excuse to post their photos…

A long time ago, I sat down on National Highway 7, making burgers out of my ass on a rather hot day in the summer of ‘98, and thought to myself – Was an engineering degree really worth all this? Supporting my fucked-up seniors in a cause that would have the Blank Noise Project reach for smelling salts (they propositioned girls, and when the management disapproved, they forced us juniors into a strike. Bravo, you bastards!). And my disillusionment doubled when I saw the Police Task Force van park a few feet away and out from it emerged two dozen uniformed cops brandishing shiny batons.

Question is – Did I get a movie deal out of it?
No.

Apparently, student strikes double as movie auditions these days. Are you 18, pretty and look good in a hazy photo? Then carry a placard and pose good for the photogs. You just might land a role in another crappy Sathish Kaushik movie. Bollywood, raise your voices and say – Inquilab Yamini.

Yamini got her dream offer from Kaushik after he saw her photo amidst the media coverage of the recent strike by students at MCM DAV College. Yamini was one of the students protesting the alleged slapping of a girl by a college professor. Link

Here’s what we think happened next. An emergency faculty meeting was called and Professor Slappy called for a vote on the best way to hit rock-bottom faster. The outcome of that meeting was released to the press.

College principal Puneet Bedi said, “The criteria has been set. Girls matching international modelling standards would be taken into consideration by a panel of experts, who will then help these girls contest in beauty pageants and venture forth for movie screen tests.” Link

I salute you, Ms.Bedi. It’s time we put those uggos in their place. Behind the placards that hide their face.

Mumbai’s rude. No, we didn’t say that, the Reader’s Digest did. Sadly enough, we never got our hands on that issue. We had ‘points to ponder’ (heh).

But the folks at RD probably never expected retaliation from the only remaining people who subscribe to their magazine – the Bollywood elite.

Madhavan, who gave new meaning to ‘Humor in Uniform’ in Rang De Basanti, retorted in classic randomness:

Either the writer in Readers Digest doesn’t understand the Marathi language or must have got stuck in the Mumbai rains or a Virar local. [Link]

Which, as we all know, are conditions that nullify any rudeness test.

Adnan Sami – Yeah, sure. Mumbai is the rudest city in the world?just as much as monkeys fly out of my butt. [Link]

Hard to say if he was going for sarcasm there. Not because he is from beyond the border, but because we strongly believe something does hide in his butt, and it could very well be a monkey or three.

Bachchan Sr. took a break from hamming activities to issue a statement too.

Amitabh Bachchan: “Rude? Says Who? On the contrary, it’s one of the most loving, giving, compassionate and endearing cities in the world.” Link

Yeah, except when doing voice-overs for gangsta flicks. Then it becomes the ruthless city that drinks your ‘khoon’ and leaves you for dead.

Bipasha Basu: …the love and the generous care of Mumbaikars for somebody like me who was a nobody kept me going. Link

Translated into man-talk, that means Mumbaikars, like everyone else in the world, love boobs.

Who can not love her? Or offer her generous care?

And finally, what’s a Bollywood ‘Quotable Quotes’ session without a little word play. It’s like Anupam Kher and Dino Morea share the same (much shattered) funny bone.

Anupam Kher: “Did Readers Digest really say that? Sorry we don’t digest.

Dino Morea: I can’t digest Reader’s Digest’s comment. [Link]

Such dazzling humor. You know what? We don’t know about Bombay topping the rude list, but it sure as hell ain’t topping the witty actor list.

Related post: Dino has bum chums

While desi Mel Gibsons google for ‘Passions of Ramba‘, we at SS run complicated search scripts for ‘Bollywood Actress Fetishes’. And today, paydirt.

So, what is it that the girls have a fetish for?

Splurging on shoes and sandals is becoming infectious in the glam circuit. [Link]

Alright, so we like the fact that leather is involved, but only shoes? Celina Jailtey has a thousand pairs, while Udita Goswami tells us why it’s a bad idea to invite her over to your place.

“I have developed a strange habit of collecting a sandal from any new place I visit….A particular style not just adds variety to my footwear collection but reminds me of my visit to the place also.” [Link]

Remember Celina Jaitley’s wardrobe, Udita?

Continue reading ‘What’s On Their Feet?’

Through tipster d.n.a, we learn that Himesh Reshammiya will score the music for Dasavatharam, the K.S. Ravikumar movie that has Kamalhassan doing ten roles.

Himesh is Bollywood?s hottest music director and a craze with the youth. He has been signed by producer Oscar Ravichandran for his prestigious Kamal Hassan big budget film Dasavatharam to be directed by K.S.Ravikumar. [Link]

What this means is that Dasavatharam will be like Thenali with bad music. Hmm. When do advance bookings open for Shivaji again?

Get out after one, please.

Someone asks Hrithik Roshan

A week after Krrish releases, Superman Returns will hit screens in India and worldwide. Is there any fear of having the icon of superheroes as competition?

A truthful response would have been – Yes, I am scared. What was I thinking?

But instead, he breaks it down for us.

There is absolutely no fear and no need to fear. There are only two things that can happen. Both are positive. In one scenario we may be motivated to do greater special effects for our next film and get to learn something from Superman. It may point out our mistakes and follies.

On the other hand it (Krrish) may match up and do better and it will be an acknowledgment of our hard work. It will make us feel victorious and be a matter of exhilaration. [Link]

Hrithik, you play a singing/dancing superhero. The only way you can match up or do better is if they ranked you based on ‘How Gay Can a Superhero Get?’. And considering some of the rumors circling the latest Superman edition, they might actually pay you for the diversion.

No, not gay at all.

PS: We apologize for the typo that crept into the title of this post.

Poetry.com is this online portal where wannabe poets make you chortle with word-puke. In fact, if I re-arranged that last sentence with inappropriate punctuation, I just might have a crappy poem to my name.

Poetry.com is,
this online,
portal,
Where wannabe poets,
make you,
chortle,
With, Word-
Puke.

See, quite easy. In fact, so easy that Kamalinee Mukherjee gave it a shot. Kama-whama-who-ji, you ask? That would be Kamal-Hassan’s latest kissing partner in the upcoming Vettiayaadu Velaiyaadu, and the heroine of sleeper hit Telugu movie, Anand.

Tell us about your poems?

I wrote three poems (Thoughts, Confusion and Solitude) for a website called poetry.com before signing Anand film. [Link]

Go ahead, call us insensitive jerks. Tell us how refreshing it is to discover there are actresses who can actually write “quagmire of despondency”. Point taken, but why poetry? Why not just a 500-word essay about the “quagmire of despondency” the film industry has plunged into? Or Sun Music compering? Or Poetry.com?

But why? Yendhukku?

lying in fields of yellow poppies….
intoxicated by the realisation of you…
its in the very core of me…..
a primivial longing in my heartbeats….
but like the mirage in burning deserts….

All of her “poetry”

1. Thoughts
2. Feelings
3. Confusion

PS: We are not sure if this Zinta is the Zinta, but if someone could comfirm, we’ll feel better knowing we didn’t laugh at an impostor.

Here’s a Kamalinee picture – the reason you clicked on this post.

When I get a haircut, people point and laugh. And when I grow my hair long, people point and laugh longer. My point is, I wish I was Lisa Ray. Did that sound weird? I meant to say, I wish I could pull off a Lisa Ray.

I watched ‘Water‘ a few months back, but not until I read reviews did I realize she had played a Hindu widow in that. Damn, and to think I made a remark during the movie that more girls should go for her “look”. And do I even need to describe how she looks like with long hair? What do you think made Nusrat go all ape-shit with alaaps in Afreeen?

And now, we hear she is playing a lesbian in a Shamim Sarif movie.

The author of award-winning ‘The World Unseen’ is all set to direct a film Can’t Think Straight’, which will star none other than Water nymph Lisa Ray as a le(s)bian. Link

We have no idea who Shamim Sarif is, but god bless her soul. We wish she would write to us so we could suggest a few names to play Lisa’s co-star. Actually, just one name. And then when I say, I wish I was Lisa Ray, it wouldn’t sound so weird.

I know some of you are still recovering from Jithan Ramesh’s verbal volley. So maybe this is too soon, and may even scar some of you for life. But we have an obligation to share it. We really do, or there’s no saying what Balayya might do. Stomp on the internet maybe and annihilate our blog?

We profusely thank youtube user satssomu for hosting this classic. Really really profusely.
Also check out another gem from the ever dependable ‘Gaapten‘.

She says her mobile phone is bombarded with SMS messages and you could guess what kind of messages they would be. Passes at her, proposals for dates and dinners or plain romantic mush.

Even someone with half-a-brain would start guessing – The Rai woman? Our poster-girl Ileana? Kaavya Vishwanathan complaining about “unknown calls” from Chennai? Or Celina Jaitley, who recently renounced mobile communications?

I (Celina) don’t like to use my cell phone when I’m at work; I think it’s very disturbing. In fact, I don’t even carry my phone on my shoots. [Link]

Wrong. Why would anyone ever make a pass at Ileana? And have you seen Aishwarya lately? And Celina…prancing about in her mini skirts & skimpy bikinis. *puke*

No, this is closer to home (if you live in Kodambakkam). This is what sultry seductress Gopika has to go through everyday. That’s right, I said Gopika. And the messages do not just originate from the phones of adolescent boys captivated by this Mallu chechi.

She also says,”there are several actors who have sent me such messages, but I won’t tell their names as my career is at stake. [Link]

Gopika and her bindi in another trend-setting outfit

I admit it, my first thought was – what career? But I guess I’m also curious about what actor. I mean seriously dude – If you’re going to be a pathetic sleaze, at least raise your bar. Contact us and we’ll let you have Trisha’s number for a bit part in your next movie. Oh! you thought only you could be pathetic?

……….

Speaking of cellphones, someone sent Ex-MP and Why-Actor, Sarath Kumar an obscene SMS. Link

Sir, the person who sent the message would like to clarify that Sperm* is actually SMS speak for ‘Supreme Star’.

Gopi posing for the birds in his backyard

Suresh Gopi has done so many cop roles that he probably walks around wearing crunchy-shiny boots and saluting surprised DSP’s. Maybe even offers to look over F.I.R reports for the local circle inspector. Maybe.

Or maybe he is not all that deluded and like a normal star, prefers to have affairs with co-stars half his age & weight.

You are said to have an roaring affair with the young actress Mamta Mohandas?

These stories are a figment of imagination of some vested interest who are all out to spoil the reputation of an upcoming actress. I have nothing more to say about this. Link

Mamta ‘the only Mallu girl we like’ Mohandas

Funny. So I guess his reputation is still intact or maybe even improved. And why?

The lip-to-lip kissing scene in Lanka (with the ‘upcoming actress’) was criticized by purists in Kerala. Your comments?

Lanka failed as the story did not reach out to the people in the correct manner. If that was possible, the same audience would have accepted not only this 3 minute kissing scene but a 10 minutes one (smiles). Link

He failed to add that correct manner was Malayalam movie jargon for ‘so high on ganja that audiences think they are making out with Mamta Mohandas’. But since the story was incorrectly mannered, so to speak, the same audience throw up a little every time they see a Suresh Gopi poster. Right after they salute it.

Remember Vijaykumar’s son Arun Kumar? You know, the guy who played second fiddle to Bharath in Azhagai Irukkai Bayamai Irukkiradhu? No? The guy dressed in white who played second fiddle to Shaam in Iyarkkai? Great! Now you don’t remember who Shaam is?!

Anyway, this is what he had to say.

Arun Kumar says, “I am very choosy. If I had accepted all the offers that came my way, I would have been no where. Let’s hope my forthcoming movie brings me more fortunes”.

I know what he means. This is like when I told my friend – If I had won the lottery last year, I would have been a pathetic rich guy. Or when I told my father – If I had invented the cure to cancer, I would have had to drag him to the Nobel Prize ceremony. Or when I tell myself in the mirror – If I had a completely different face, six-pack abs and a thick mane of hair, I would have been a disgusting Casanova.

One time in college, I had to endure a crash course in Tamil Cussin-guistics from a classmate, after I had just popped his head with a water-filled plastic bag. Not too pleasant an experience. I never knew my great-uncle’s niece, farm animals & construction equipment could be used in the same sentence with such biting effect.

Not Dino Morea, but close

But those were mere words that healed over time. I fear a worse fate for Dino Morea.

Actor Dino Morea admits to playing pranks on Celina Jaitley – his co-star in “Tom Dick & Harry” – like pouring vodka into her coffee and tying her down to a chair! “Another time Celina was wearing this elaborate dress with lots of frills. I tied her dress to the chair. When she got up, the chair came with her,” he added. Link

Continue reading ‘Dino has bum chums’

You know what’s sad?

Couple of boys sitting in alternate seats at the Melody/Woodlands theaters, hoping for any pretty girl to fill the void in the seating arrangement…and their loveless lives.

In my defense, I was only 15 then.

You know what’s sadder?

An actor, who delivered his first hit when he was 17 (and then some) is now shooting two movies hoping some girl would fill the void in casting…that of heroine.

Though pujas for many of his movies kicked of this year, only two are being canned–Pulan Visaranai II and Petrol. The funny thing is for both the movies they have not finalized the heroines. Only his solo shots are being canned. {Link}

Andy Dufresne would be proud.