Stardonic

(Video from Mujse Shaadi Karogi)

Jiah Khan, star of Nishabd, has a special talent it seems.

… when Jiah told Bachchan he smelt good and recognised the brand he was wearing, he brushed the compliment aside and thought it was mere guesswork.

But when the 19-year-old started rattling off brand names that Bachchan wore everyday, the superstar got a tad bit nervous and suspected that Jiah was going through his toiletries!

And then the mystery unfolded. Apparently, Jiah had done a short stint in a perfume factory and had a good nose for perfumes and could recognise any famous brand of perfume or cologne with just a sniff.

Jiah’s talent for spotting smelly things was never in question, was it? She picked a Ram Gopal Varma movie to debut, for chrissake.

She says Bachchan has an amazing collection of cologne and he would sport a new brand everyday during the shooting of Nishabd. [Link]

And why is this a big deal again? If I stunk half as much as Amitabh Bachchan did in Black, I would go out and buy myself a lot of cologne too. And yeah, I’d gladly let Jiah smell me.

Pictures through http://celebworld.wordpress.com/tag/bollywood/jiah-khan/

Sushmita Sen has a craving for marriage, and here she expresses herself eloquently:

“I have always craved for marriage,” Tuesday’s Hindustan Times newspaper quoted her as saying. “I’ve always been a home-lover despite living a very public life.” [Link]

And then, she sends a message to Aliens by talking to them in some sort of strange language that only they can understand.

“I believe all relationships you go through in life are actually a part of that cosmic design where love and marriage finally finds you,” she said. “I believe that will happen to me as well.” [Link]

I don’t know what she said there, but I think it worked, because Shah Rukh Khan signed her for his next movie. Don’t believe me still? Salman Khan is in that movie too. So there.

There is this very clever show on radio in Mumbai, called Musical-E-Azam. Occasionally, when the station wants to service their microphones, they get Shankar Mahadevan into the studios to yell questions. And this time, the recipient of all that noise was Sonu Nigam, who shouts back garbage in return.

When did the two of you first meet?

Sonu: Shankar is cool mind stroke person. [Link]

What in the name of God is that supposed to mean? That Shankar strokes his mind? And why would that be cool? That seems like such a dumb thing to do, stroking your mind. Aren’t there better things to stroke out there?

Shankar: You are very religious and superstitious, isn’t it?

Sonu: No. Spiritual is an exaggerated word. I am not superstitious. I believe in mind over matter. I think a lot. [Link]

Oh yeah, we all so totally get it man. You are just spewing out juvenile crap in the hopes that Angelina Jolie will adopt you, right? Don’t even bother, because I am told she’ll only consider actual children. And even if she relaxes the rule, she’ll pick John Abraham over you any day.

Shankar: Tell us about the Himalayas.

Sonu: [...] At one time, I heard the sound of some animals. I was not sure which animal… tiger, deer, snow leopard or a jackal. I kept a knife and spray in my hand for 30 minutes. After waiting for that animal, I realised that I felt the animal didn’t know I am a Sonu Nigam but his food. I realised that I was a piece of meat for him. It was a very important lesson of life. [Link]

If that’s the most important lesson you learnt, what were you up to in your zoology class, huh? That class where they taught you that tigers and deer and jackals make different types of sounds.

Shankar: Chicks are after you since then?

Sonu: I don’t trust chicks these days. These days, chicks are after everyone (laughs).

Chicks. I don’t know why, but that makes me want to go stroke my mind now. Hard.

(Pics through http://bestofangelinajolie.com)

Did you guys read this?

Celina Jaitley spotted Raima Sen settling her luggage at the waiting lounge.

What followed was a reunion of sorts.

The pretty actresses literally jumped around like schoolgirls, indulging in some air kissing and hugging before heading for their respective destinations. [Link]

Whoa. What were these respective destinations? Who else went with them? How do I get there? Why are my eyes glazing over now? Dang.

Kangana Ranaut, “next hottest thing in Bollywood,” had a harrowing experience last month. She was told that she was the recipient of something called the Sabsey Favorite Nayi Heroine award, but when she showed up late at the venue, the organizers had decided to give the award to Soha Ali Khan instead.

“I was told to stay on and that my trophy would be sent to me at home. I sat through the rest of the function without knowing that my award had been given to someone else. I didn’t even know Soha got the award until a friend phoned to say so. It’s rather sad and funny,” said Kangana, who made an impressive debut with “Gangster – A Love Story” this year. [Link]

So when Kangana headed to Kuala Lumpur to receive her best actress award at GIFA, she was understandably worried. What if the organizers decided to give the award to Hrithik Roshan for Krrish instead? Thankfully, nothing of that sort happened, and an elated Kangana decided to hit on Hrithik instead.

After GIFA Kangana has become a huge fan of Hrithik Roshan. “In a world filled with dishonourable intentions Hrithik is such a thorough genteleman. He knows how to make a lady feel special. He spoke to me as if I was the best actress in the world.

I think his wife is very very lucky?Where can I find a husband like that?” sighs Kangana who has no one that special in her life. [Link]

And now, Kangana went to the Dubai Festival where she ran into Jesse Metcalfe, who is some type of male person, I think. And promptly enough,

Whispers Kangana, “I’ve had a secret crush on Jesse whose name I didn’t know. But like any 19-year old my heart would kip beats when he seduced Eva Longoria in Desperate Housewives. I’d wish he’d seduce me. And now there he was sitting right in the row in front of me at the premiere of Emilio Estavez’s new film Bobby…” [Link]

Damn, this girl is dangerous. Next time she heads to Florida, I’ll have to make an effort to stay out of sight. You guys will be ok though – most of you aren’t as handsome as me.

In an interview with the Hindustan Times, Ayesha Takia lets people know what she has inside of her.

Of course, I have a killer instinct. [Link]

Umm… I hate to rub it in, but I had known about this for a long, long time. As a matter of fact, I even know where she hides her killer instinct. It is hard to miss, once you know where to look.

Photos through bollyimages.com

Nishabd , the Ram Gopal Varma masterpiece to be, has been wrapped up last month. I think that means it is like done or something. Sadly though, things aren’t looking too good for Nishabd.

Firstly, Amitabh Bachchan sings a song for the movie.

Varma can’t stop raving. “You’ve to hear how Mr Bachchan sounds in the number. When I heard him do the song in Baabul I thought that was the ultimate. But after hearing him sing Vishal’s song in my Nishabd I’ve decided this is his best song ever…” [Link]

I so want to believe that, except:

Ironically the Big B maintains he’s not a singer. “I don’t know how to sing. I never did. Earlier too when I sang for Silsila (Neela aasman so gaya) I cringed. Even now my reaction is the same”. [Link]

You hit the nail on its head, sir. Now may I please request you to watch a few of your movies, say, Boom and Baabul? Do let us know what you think…

And secondly, Nishabd is up against some stiff competition.

… it comes as a surprise to see the pace go down for the publicity of ‘Nishabd’. The promos that had arrived with a bang are suddenly finding them extinct with the promotion of some other films taking precedence over it. A movie that appeared to be coming to the town soon now seems to have gone slow.

One wonders if ‘Nishabd’ would eventually arrive in an anyways overcrowded February that has confirmed releases like Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd., Traffic Signal, Eklavya – The Royal Guard, Shakalaka Boom Boom and Metro lined up. [Link]

Is there any way a movie can compete against Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd. and Traffic Signal and Shakalaka Boom Boom and come out ahead? I think Mr. Varma should rename his movie Nishabd: Silence Is Skimpy to even stand a chance. Whaddya say, Lindsay Lohan?

For the new year, the authors of S*ardonic wish they had a cent every time another wannabe-star loses his or her cell phone. The latest loser on our list is Aryan Vaid. And please don’t ask us who he is – we know little about him, other than that he happens to be on S*ardonic’s favorite TV Show – Bigg Boss. By managing to drown his cell phone along with himself, Vaid poses serious competition to Southie losers Vindya [Link] and Namitha [Link].

We all were supposed to get out of the small boats and into a big one. I had one feet in one boat and the other feet in the other, when the big boat moved. Before I knew it I was in the water sinking downwards. [Link]

Vaid went on to explain that his, er, “sinking” feeling was made worse not by his inability to swim, but because of his cell phone!

Of course I can swim! But have you tried swimming in that deep water at 4.am in the morning with your clothes and boots on, and your mobile in your hand? My phone immediately slipped out of my hand and I’ve lost all my numbers. But at that time it was the least of my worries. All I could think of was how to get out of the water. [Link]

Prashant Raj Sachdev who? That was our question also. So we dug and dug, and then we wished we hadn’t. We’re told that Sachdev is the new Jai in the new Sholay. [Link] And no, we aren’t talking about the new Bhojpuri Sholay. [Link]

Sachdev revealed the secret casting process behind his landing the role:

After answering his queries about my past, modelling, race, shows, what I felt about acting, my thoughts on acting, what an actor is all about, what acting means to me, Ramuji asked me to do something for him.

I knew instinctively this was the time. I spread my arms on the chair, looked at him and said, ‘Do you think I don’t know how to act? I have not come so far to waste time!’[Link]

That outburst worked, and he was cast as Jai. What’s more, Sachdev has even been learning a little bit about how movies get made:

My entire perception of what acting was all about was completely trashed. There was a shot where I am supposed to be resting by the bar with Ajay Devgan. But there is no Ajay. I am talking to a plant or a leaf. That’s what acting is all about. [Link]

Imagine, someday he might even be shown a green screen! Sachdev also admitted to being genetically challenged, and a shape-shifter among other things:

As a school kid Raj says he was “tall, skinny, had thin, long arms, (was) pigeon-chested, (with) thin legs and calves with a wide waist.

I started going to gym but saw no changes even after three months. My instructor told me that I was not genetically gifted. Today, I am proud of having been able to change my body shape. Nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it[Link]

Ashuthosh Gowrikar, the strong man of Bollywood [Link] reveals that when it comes to animals, he has a weak-heart.

69 elephants, 50 camels and 100 horses will be used to shoot battle sequences. There are two vets on the sets. Every four hours the animals get rest. Their holding areas are sufficiently large and roomy. [Link]

He acknowledges that animal rights have come a long way since the old Haathi Mere Saathi days.

Dharmendra fought lions with bare hands. Thank god animals aren’t treated that way any more. [Link]

You can take a star out of the movies, but apparently not the movies out of the star. Govinda, for example, has been out of movies and into politics for the last five or so years. Or maybe not:

After winning the elections… I wanted to know more about politics and do something for my constituency. After three years, I signed a film [Link]

He does seem to have picked up something from his years as a politician, though. No one else would have the er, generosity, to come up with such gift ideas:

My comeback in Bhagam Bhag is a gift I am giving my family and fans on my birthday. [Link]

He assures us that this gift will come wrapped in a nice package. Govinda has been working hard at losing weight.

I walk and practise yoga for an hour each. [Link]

Although he shares Bhagam Bhag with Akshay Kumar, Govinda makes it clear that he will be No.1, even when he’s in drag.

I will never play a second heroine. Till the end of my career, I will do only main roles, whatever it is. [Link]

Oh…that was Simran. Clearly, the S*ardonic team hasn’t quite recovered from this morning’s trauma. [Link]

Hattip from onlooker

Tanushree Dutta - who is quite fine just the way she is if you ask me – seems to be interested in constantly refining herself in various directions.

For example in ‘Risk’ I am not deglam completely. I am still dressed well, I have my song and dance number but the performance level has become more refined. In ‘Bhagam Bhag’ there’s a lot of glamour element. There are loud costumes and all that. But again the genre is comedy so my performance level has been refined in a different direction. [Link]

A few more rounds of this, and she’ll be like premium refined, and you can pour her down the throat of your expensive car and drive it around your neighborhood real fast. On second thoughts, maybe not. The car might start making meaningless noises that you’ll find strangely alluring. Like so:

Glamour is something which I believe is an essential part of me which I can’t strip myself of. [Link]

Something tells me she has been dating John Abraham secretly. Or maybe Aftab Shivdasani. Whoever it is, it is definitely not me, and that makes me angry.

Pictures courtesy tanushreedutta.com

Done with baring his soul, blathering Bollywood hunk John Abraham has moved on to baring his body. Drink it in while it lasts, because Mahesh Bhatt says it won’t last too long.

However, filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt, says, “By shedding clothes, these girls manage to cater to the popular demands of the commercial cinema. But after they have reached a certain point, these girls succumb to the old middle-class milieu…” [Link]

Oh wait, that was Bhatt talking about girls… but John is such a sensitive guy, so the quote partly applies to him.

Tired of looking at John Abraham’s hairless chest? Wait for Anurag Kashyap’s No Smoking. In the film you will get to see more than that, with John doing the Full Monty? derriere included. [Link]

For the average moviegoer, this isn’t such a big deal. Most of us are used to crying “What an ass!” when John appears on screen, so this’ll be just another day at the theaters for us.

Vidya Balan joins a long list of Indian celebrities who have had “look-alikes” bathing or undressing with a camcorder pointed at them. Even more interesting is the research finding of some Chennai-based investigative porno-journo who unearthed this fact.

Whether morphed or look alike, the MMS clip is doing rounds among the youngsters in Chennai. According to youngsters who regularly received such clips, they prefer MMS clips of actors and famous models. {Link}

Of course they do. Youngsters love to imagine that grainy image on their 150×150 phonescreen is their favorite actress dropping her skirt when the boyfriend yelled ‘Action’. And in this case, they knew for sure it was Vidya Balan when the model dropped her clothes and shrieked “Good Morniiiiiiiiing Chennai”.

Namita is being visited by her brother and his family at her home. During one of the family gatherings in her garden, Namita was playing with her niece.

A crow in the vicinity was stealing biscuits from the plate kept aside. In the process, the stealthy crow mistook Namita’s ultra slim cell phone to be a biscuit and grabbed it in a jiffy before taking off in the air. Namita, startled by this, chased the crow but could not recover her cell phone. [Link]

Now what gave Namita the right to carry an ultra-slim something? No wonder the crow was pissed. It was so pissed in fact, that when Namita called, it wouldn’t pick up the phone. Smart Crow.

I tried my number immediately after but the phone kept ringing, stated Namita in a melancholic voice that is unlike of her. [Link]

In a totally unrelated development, our Bollywood reporter tells us that Ajay Devgan was in Mumbai – not Chennai – when this incident happened. He does not say if Mr. Devgan can fly.

John Abraham, Bollywood Hunk, has the hots for a costar: Hema Malini in this case. Which is not an unusual thing for the man, but what is admirable is the way he intertwines a message of racial tolerance in his confession.

“During Baabul if I had shot one more day with her I’d have fallen in love with her. She’s really, really pretty,” confesses John.

“Hema Malini is either black or white. [Link]

Yeah, it has to be one of those pal. Why don’t you look closer, huh? She might even turn out to be brown.

As for Amitabh Bachchan, John has piles of compliments to heap on his professionalism.

“Forget about his work ethics. More importantly, he’s a nice man. [Link]

That is some compliment that. Definitely a pile of something heaped on something else.

John chortles. “People think my choices are crazy. They wonder if I’ve lost my marbles risking my life in Baabul . Well, all I’ve to say is, I prefer riding bikes instead of cars.” [Link]

That clears up everything for me. I don’t need to hear anything more from the man – I feel like I know him so well. He rides bikes, so naturally, he’ll be a rich dummy who puts his foot into his large mouth at obtuse angles. Now if you have any doubts still, here is one more quote that might help you understand John, the person.

Actually, there’re two kinds of preparations. One is the big-spectacle preparation where one prepares for the action and dance scenes like Dhoom or Cash . The other kind of preparation is my kind “[Link]

Thanks Johnny. Now get on your bike and ride home to momma, will ya? We’ve had enough for one day.

When Ram Gopal Varma announced his intention to remake Sholay, sceptics expected nothing more than a poorly executed rehash of the original with bad actors. Not me though – I always knew Ramu was better than that, and Shiva 2006 did nothing to dispel my faith.

Today I have been vindicated.

Ramu has made drastic changes to his Sholay that will take the movie “into another territory.” Wait, now it is “into another orbit.” Here’s a sampler of what’s in store for you guys.

Radha , the widow wears black instead of white.
Basanti rides an auto -rickhaw instead of a tonga.
Samba (Sushant Singh) is Gabbar’s right-hand man and confidante and not a side-kick.[Link]

I told ya, right? Basanti in an auto-rickshaw. Isn’t he something, our Ramu? I just hope he doesn’t go overboard and change the title font or something. Now that might make the movie completely unrecognizable.

PS: I hate to second guess you Ramu saab, but are you sure about the black saree? I mean, will it have the same effect under a waterfall as the original white? Oh wait, that was Ram Teri Ganga Maili. But still, something to think about…

What? Oh just Google for Mandakini, will you? We can’t give them to you everytime.

Devdas. Umrao Jaan. Choker Bali. Have you ever wondered how Aishwarya Rai has an uncanny knack of picking the worst movies ever to star in? Well, now the cat is out of the bag, and the blame lies squarely on the media:

“I’ve often been told that I belong to another era. And my selection of films reflects that old-world reality,” Aishwarya told IANS. [Link]

Whoa, hold it right there girl. All those reviews you read that said you were stone faced – they actually meant you can’t act for nuts, not that you were from the stone age or other such eras.

Although I have to admit – I am pleasantly surprised you can actually read reviews. Comprehension will follow soon enough.

Chetan Hansraj is the little kid from the Nycil ad who wanted his back scratched.

This Nycil ad I did is memorable because I think it has high recall value. Also, not many people know or believe that the kid in the ad is me… [Link]

The kid has now grown into a man that says:

“Of course men are big on bitching, but it’s harmless and more of a time pass. It is very common in our acting and modelling fraternity. But women take it on to a serious level. Personally, I would bitch among friends about other friends or co-actors. [Link]

Ankita is the cute young girl from the “I love you Rasna” ads. Now, Ankita has … just grown.

Aren’t you glad your mom hid you behind her saree when modeling coordinator uncle visited your house?