Stardonic

But like all publications are quick to point out, she got married to Boman Irani – the real estate developer, not the middle-aged character actor who most recently played a middle-aged cop in Don. Strangely enough, Boman Senior has an equally funky-named wife.

‘No, not the actor but the real-estate developer… You know when my Boman met the actor Boman’s wife, Zenobia, he told her maybe they should whip up something together. (Link)

Well played, Boman Junior. Reminds me of the time I tried to get Manoj interested in Aishwarya Rai, and a potential whipping session thereafter. But the snob insisted on wrapping up ‘The Sixth Sense’ first. Damn you Shyamalan!

So here’s hoping the wedding was fun. And by fun, we mean, hope everyone who attended made an increasingly bad version of a ‘Oh, it’s not you, Boman?’ joke to an increasingly frustrated Boman Sr. while winking at Xenophobia. Sorry, I mean Periculous Zoroastrian. Oh, whatever!

M.F. Hussain, the scary looking old painter man, is pretty predictable. He watches bad movies – really bad – and then announces that the actress that starred in the movie is his muse.

He’ll then paint the actress (on canvas) and try to sell the paintings to suckers. The money from the proceeds he’ll use to make a movie that is several orders of magnitude worse than the original. Gajagamini. No wonder then that Hussain prefers Sooraj Bharjatya movies.

A new Bharjatya movie – Vivah – that deals with “the journey from engagement to marriage” is out, and Hussain has announced that Amrita Rao has entered his canvas,whatever that means.

With his quick-on-the-draw paint brush, Husain plans to start a series of paintings inspired by Vivah and his brand-new muse Amrita Rao; “She has entered my canvas. I will construct an entire exhibition around her,” he promises. [Link]

I know you want to call him pathetic, but reserve that word, please. Use senile instead and read on.

“And of course, I will invite Amrita to be there, Shahid Latif too.”

Shahid Latif who? Does he mean Shahid Kapur? “Yes, yes… Shahid Kapur, he was good also,” he ends. [Link]

Shahid Latif, Shahid Kapur. Male names. Who cares? Well, Shahid does. He says,

Really? It’s an honour that Mr Husain has appreciated our hard work. He’s undoubtedly, the finest artiste of India. Through your paper, I would like to convey my gratitude to him. He wants to meet us .. just tell us when and where. [Link]

Honor indeed, Mr. Latif. And folks, time to unreserve pathetic now.

Stardonic’s favorite news source carries a startling headline today, followed by a picture of some dude trying to suck all the collagen out of Nayantara’s lips.

Nayantara Hiding Behind Aishwarya Rai… [Link]

Now, call me a moron, but how in the world is that possible? I mean you could put Nayantara’s pinkie behind Aishwarya and half of it would show through. And the half that gets hidden does so only because Aishwarya is so damn dense.

Unless… unless… I wonder if Ileana was in the same room making out with Aishwarya. And then… wow. Damn, now I gotta go. Bye.

…says Sunny Deol.

I’m not good at interviews. I’m uncomfortable in print also. When you sit down to express yourself you end up saying things that you may not mean the way it sounds. But it’s too late. You end up sounding like an idiot. {Link}

Good ol’ self-deprecating Sunny. Surely you can’t be that bad. Wait, what’s that about art cinema?

I get really irritated by distinctions like art and commercial cinema. What’s art cinema? Cinema that only a handful like? But if I like commercial films, they are art for me. These coinages are corny. {Link}

Hmmm, go on…

My creative thoughts are simmering. I often find it difficult to listen to other people’s ideas. That’s why I need to exercise creative control over my films. I’ve collected so much knowledge on cinema over the years. From now on I’ll be involved in every creative aspect of a film. {Link}

Alright, that’s enough. You were right, we were wrong. God! we were wrong. But you got one thing going for you, Sunny baba. You are NOT a liar. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Aftab Shivdasani, whoever that is, has a confession to make:

… Anything simple and natural in a woman can put me on. In fact, I find navel rings very romantic. Lots of women are getting it on these days…” [Link]

I am sure there’s nothing more natural than a navel ring right? I mean, aren’t most babies born with them these days? Although with all due respect to you young man, women were always getting it on. Trust me, I know.

Ever wonder why Aftab is not very successful in movies?

“You know I think I have a problem with the way I look. I don’t look as old as I really am. I am 28 but I look like someone in his 20s and that is going against me.” [Link]

Aftab, honey, sorry to break your bubble, but 28 olds are actually in their twenties.  Unbelievable, I know, but true. And no, women are not born with navel rings. But Santa does exist, so not all you believe in is false.

Priyanka Chopra in this interview brazenly claims that she’d rather take dance classes than act in mediocre movies. Yeah, sure.

A former Miss World, Chopra said the movie scripts she had seen recently did not grab her attention. “Better hone my skills than do bad films,” she said. “I don’t want to rush into anything.”

Indian actors usually juggle between four to six movies a year, but Chopra said that’s not her style.

“I’d much rather work on myself. I want to do Latin, contemporary, salsa, jazz, whatever,” she told the Mumbai Mirror. [ Link]

Oh yeah? Liar!

If you really cared about good movies and liked to dance, what would you have done when someone approached you with the script for Krrish? You would’ve laughed heartily, kicked the guy in his shins, snatched the script from his fat hands, thrown the papers down on the floor and danced on them till your sweat flowed onto the ink and erased it. And then spat on the words that were still showing through to obliterate any trace of them. And then force him to watch Black (or Yes Boss) several times over to ensure that he would spend the rest of his life in an asylum without access to pens. And then we’d have believed you.

Oh anyways, here are the pictures. We know why you are here.

Have you heard of this TV show called Bigg Boss? The show, we are told, has had Rakhi Sawant on it, along with Kashmira Shah and a person called Amit and another person called Ravi. An A-list cast, although we can’t figure out why they missed out Meghana Naidu and Nayantara.

This show, which-I-have-never-watched-so-hold-your-sympathy, appears to have some type of voting thing going on, and sometime in the recent past, Rakhi Sawant was voted off it due to an altercation with Amit over something both of them had absolutely no right over.

There was only one fight with Amit. He started it and I ended it. I had a favourite cup, which had the words ‘the world’s sexiest woman’ inscribed on it. In the morning, I realised somebody had used my cup. I got angry, so I broke it.

I told Kashmira (Shah), and she told me to fight for my rights. I asked Amit why he used my cup. [Link]

Excuse my ignorance, but why is Rakhi not in jail yet for stealing that cup from Mamta Mohandas? I mean, why was she even allowed in the general vicinity of the cup? And why is Kashmira free to roam the streets when she is such an obvious accomplice to a heinous crime?

And Amit, although I admit you probably have a (marginally) better claim than Rakhi to that cup, you had no business drinking from it. None at all. Bad girl.

Ashutosh Gowriker wants you all to know that he is a strong, strong man. Strongly denying rumors that he had fainted on the sets of his movie Jodha Akbar, Ashutosh said:

“First of all it wasn’t me. I’m hale and hearty. And a very strong guy. It will take more than the hot climate to shrivel me down…” [Link]

Now we certainly knew he was a strong guy when he managed to survive the fall from the heights of Lagaan to the depths of Swades, but it always helps to have people clarify things.

S*ardonic even managed to get the opinion of Southern Star Abbas on this. Here is the video:

PS: Alright, the interview is fake. As fake as the “Southern Star” title is.

What is the world coming to?

Riya Sen,  in conversation with the Hindustan Times, declares:

“You know I take lot of interest in sexy men. If I find someone really worth seducing, I don’t leave the opportunity. But it happens the other way too. Loads of young guys die for me. There has been unlimited number of proposals to me till now. ” [Link]

No, wait. Traumatizing as that may sound, that’s not why we are disappointed. Read on, as she adds:

“There are times when this popularity has become so much of a problem for me. I have to handle the situation carefully at such times. There have been several occasions when I have to tackle people who unnecessary get close to me or look into my clothes,”… [Link]

From this statement, it appears to us that Riya Sen actually wears clothes sometimes. But try as we did, we just couldn’t find any evidence of it on the internets. Unless you count towels and underwear… which brings us to the world… Wow, people lie, don’t they?

Still think of English August when you think of Rahul Bose? Boy, have the times changed!

No. This is not an excerpt from an Emraan Hashmi interview.

Q: What made you get so gutsy so early in your career?

A: I guess I can drop my pants and my inhibitions because I’m not a conventional leading man. I’ve no image. I’m marginal.

Q: You’ve lots of kissing and lovemaking scenes with her [Mallika Sherawat].

A: The genuine warmth and affection we felt for each other showed up on screen. [Link]

Nagesh Kukunoor has made a new film – ‘Dor‘. His movies don’t exactly have the masses beating a path to the theaters, as MSN India takes much pains to tell us:

‘Dor’ caters to a niche audience. It seems, Kukunoor has targeted his film for an audience that’s not in the majority. Although handled with utmost sensitivity, you cannot close your eyes to the fact that the execution of the material would appeal to a tiny segment of viewers. And also the Festival circuit. [Link]

The next time they want to write articles that appear to be well, long, why don’t they simply increase font size or line spacing instead? Worked for me in college and it’s faster.

If you ever get around to reading the rest of that article, do let us know what else they said about the movie. Rants apart, we’re glad that there’s a new Kukunoor movie to watch.

A long time ago, I sat down on National Highway 7, making burgers out of my ass on a rather hot day in the summer of ’98, and thought to myself – Was an engineering degree really worth all this? Supporting my fucked-up seniors in a cause that would have the Blank Noise Project reach for smelling salts (they propositioned girls, and when the management disapproved, they forced us juniors into a strike. Bravo, you bastards!). And my disillusionment doubled when I saw the Police Task Force van park a few feet away and out from it emerged two dozen uniformed cops brandishing shiny batons.

Question is – Did I get a movie deal out of it?
No.

Apparently, student strikes double as movie auditions these days. Are you 18, pretty and look good in a hazy photo? Then carry a placard and pose good for the photogs. You just might land a role in another crappy Sathish Kaushik movie. Bollywood, raise your voices and say – Inquilab Yamini.

Yamini got her dream offer from Kaushik after he saw her photo amidst the media coverage of the recent strike by students at MCM DAV College. Yamini was one of the students protesting the alleged slapping of a girl by a college professor. Link

Here’s what we think happened next. An emergency faculty meeting was called and Professor Slappy called for a vote on the best way to hit rock-bottom faster. The outcome of that meeting was released to the press.

College principal Puneet Bedi said, “The criteria has been set. Girls matching international modelling standards would be taken into consideration by a panel of experts, who will then help these girls contest in beauty pageants and venture forth for movie screen tests.” Link

I salute you, Ms.Bedi. It’s time we put those uggos in their place. Behind the placards that hide their face.

Naah. That’s just wishful thinking. The man in question attacked his wife, and not because she made him take her to the movie, either. As you can see from the article [Link], the story behind the attempted murder’s very “mature”, or at least as mature as Mr. Johar thinks his movie is.

To be a cricketer is a good thing. You get to do all sorts of inspirational stuff. Yuvraj Singh, for instance, recently inspired a cat fight. Read about it here.

But a key alleged participant in this alleged cat-fight denies the rumor. When asked about the fight, Shamita Shetty has responded with what we can only call cold hard logic:

I’m not a cat. I don’t indulge in cat-fights. [Link]

Further, she was unable to shed any light on the mystery finger, allegedly attached to Ms. Sharma, which also made an appearance at the venue:

There was certainly no finger shown by Kim at me. I don’t know whom she showed her finger to. But it sure as hell wasn’t me. [Link]

In other news, there seems to be another catfight brewing, this time between Ram Gopal Varma and Karan Johar. The first salvo was fired by Varma, who said he was looking forward to KANK because he loves horror films. Johar responded with:

When he has so much work on hand I wonder why he keeps obsessing with what I do! I know he doesn’t respect my work. But could he please keep quiet about what I do?” [Link]

Following the overwhelming popularity of our last post featuring a candid celebrity [Link] interview, here’s a follow up. Raksha Mistry, who has co-directed the Emraan Hashmi starrer “The Killer”, may not be as much of a celebrity as Dhanush, but she is as just candid. [Link]

On the vital role played by the heroine, Nisha Kothari:

RM: We put her wherever we could, in songs mainly. We didn’t want to push her into the narration.

On why Ms. Kothari is not shy about wearing what she (barely) does, but draws the line at kissing:

Director to create “room” for kissing for Serial Kisser in upcoming movie

RM: That’s Indian actresses for you.

On the accusation that the movie is a copy of The Collateral:

RM: We don’t deny being inspired by “Collateral”. But we haven’t ripped off the original. You have to remember 80 percent of the audience hasn’t seen “Collateral”.

On Emraan’s not kissing the girl (although we’re not entirely sure who was more disappointed – the audience or Mahesh Bhatt):

RM: There were lots of arguments about the kiss between Mahesh Bhatt and Emraan Hashmi. Mr. Bhatt wanted the kiss, Emraan didn’t. The screenplay didn’t require a kiss. And we didn’t want to put it to please the audience. So we sided with Emraan.

On whether Emraan’s sworn off kissing for good:

RM: Emraan is in our next action thriller. Hopefully, there’ll be a room for a kiss. [Link]

Mumbai’s rude. No, we didn’t say that, the Reader’s Digest did. Sadly enough, we never got our hands on that issue. We had ‘points to ponder’ (heh).

But the folks at RD probably never expected retaliation from the only remaining people who subscribe to their magazine – the Bollywood elite.

Madhavan, who gave new meaning to ‘Humor in Uniform’ in Rang De Basanti, retorted in classic randomness:

Either the writer in Readers Digest doesn’t understand the Marathi language or must have got stuck in the Mumbai rains or a Virar local. [Link]

Which, as we all know, are conditions that nullify any rudeness test.

Adnan Sami – Yeah, sure. Mumbai is the rudest city in the world?just as much as monkeys fly out of my butt. [Link]

Hard to say if he was going for sarcasm there. Not because he is from beyond the border, but because we strongly believe something does hide in his butt, and it could very well be a monkey or three.

Bachchan Sr. took a break from hamming activities to issue a statement too.

Amitabh Bachchan: “Rude? Says Who? On the contrary, it’s one of the most loving, giving, compassionate and endearing cities in the world.” Link

Yeah, except when doing voice-overs for gangsta flicks. Then it becomes the ruthless city that drinks your ‘khoon’ and leaves you for dead.

Bipasha Basu: …the love and the generous care of Mumbaikars for somebody like me who was a nobody kept me going. Link

Translated into man-talk, that means Mumbaikars, like everyone else in the world, love boobs.

Who can not love her? Or offer her generous care?

And finally, what’s a Bollywood ‘Quotable Quotes’ session without a little word play. It’s like Anupam Kher and Dino Morea share the same (much shattered) funny bone.

Anupam Kher: “Did Readers Digest really say that? Sorry we don’t digest.

Dino Morea: I can’t digest Reader’s Digest’s comment. [Link]

Such dazzling humor. You know what? We don’t know about Bombay topping the rude list, but it sure as hell ain’t topping the witty actor list.

Related post: Dino has bum chums

First it was Shabana Aazmi & Nandita Das. Then came Lisa Ray. Perizaad Zorabian is the latest to join the lesbian bandwagon. We hear she’s might soon be signing up to play a lesbian in ‘When Kiran met Karen’ to be directed by New Jersey based Manan Katohora [Link].

Note to our male readers: We regret to inform you that Ms. Ray and Ms. Zorabian are not in the same movie. Ms. Zorabian’s character is to have an affair with a Chinese woman. We plan to lobby for ladies (see Exhibits A and B). Other suggestions are welcome.

Perizaad to play a lesbian Exhibit A: Zhiyi Zhang / Perizaad’s partner? [Picture courtesy Wikipedia]

Exhibit B: Gong Li / Perizaad’s partner?

While desi Mel Gibsons google for ‘Passions of Ramba‘, we at SS run complicated search scripts for ‘Bollywood Actress Fetishes’. And today, paydirt.

So, what is it that the girls have a fetish for?

Splurging on shoes and sandals is becoming infectious in the glam circuit. [Link]

Alright, so we like the fact that leather is involved, but only shoes? Celina Jailtey has a thousand pairs, while Udita Goswami tells us why it’s a bad idea to invite her over to your place.

“I have developed a strange habit of collecting a sandal from any new place I visit….A particular style not just adds variety to my footwear collection but reminds me of my visit to the place also.” [Link]

Remember Celina Jaitley’s wardrobe, Udita?

Continue reading ‘What’s On Their Feet?’

Through tipster d.n.a, we learn that Himesh Reshammiya will score the music for Dasavatharam, the K.S. Ravikumar movie that has Kamalhassan doing ten roles.

Himesh is Bollywood?s hottest music director and a craze with the youth. He has been signed by producer Oscar Ravichandran for his prestigious Kamal Hassan big budget film Dasavatharam to be directed by K.S.Ravikumar. [Link]

What this means is that Dasavatharam will be like Thenali with bad music. Hmm. When do advance bookings open for Shivaji again?

Get out after one, please.

Someone asks Hrithik Roshan

A week after Krrish releases, Superman Returns will hit screens in India and worldwide. Is there any fear of having the icon of superheroes as competition?

A truthful response would have been – Yes, I am scared. What was I thinking?

But instead, he breaks it down for us.

There is absolutely no fear and no need to fear. There are only two things that can happen. Both are positive. In one scenario we may be motivated to do greater special effects for our next film and get to learn something from Superman. It may point out our mistakes and follies.

On the other hand it (Krrish) may match up and do better and it will be an acknowledgment of our hard work. It will make us feel victorious and be a matter of exhilaration. [Link]

Hrithik, you play a singing/dancing superhero. The only way you can match up or do better is if they ranked you based on ‘How Gay Can a Superhero Get?’. And considering some of the rumors circling the latest Superman edition, they might actually pay you for the diversion.

No, not gay at all.

PS: We apologize for the typo that crept into the title of this post.