Stardonic

Have you ever wondered how all these girls can kiss this dude called Emraan Hashmi and not gag? Well, wonder no more. Apparently,

Most sex sirens believe it’s important to fantasise about your beau while giving lip service to other men. [Link]

In other words,

Lights, cameras and locations are just an added advantage but dreaming of your real life lover can do the job. [Link]

Stated otherwise,

If you think real, you can produce real. Think about someone you feel hot about and then you don’t need to make an effort in turning passionate. [Link]

Translated into normal English, this means that if you want to kiss someone you don’t really want to, you can make “the job” easier by thinking about someone else.

Here’s Mona Chopra, paraphrasing it for us.

While locking lips with my co-actor I can generate so much passion that it becomes difficult to make out that I am acting. Everyone thinks it’s some real hot scene going on. Even my director and crew get surprised to see that most of my kiss scenes get a green signal in the very first take. The key to this perfection is the image that I bring to my mind while smooching my co-star. I always keep the picture of my man before my eyes and imagine that I am kissing him. There is no need to feel uncomfortable about anything after that. Once you shut your eyes and think of your dream man then all the emotions start flowing naturally… [Link]

Mona, naturally. (Pic through cinegoer.com)

To reiterate, think of hot man, turn lights and cameras on and let it fly. Sweaty siren Udita Goswami has some specific advice on the type of hot man that will help.

Unless you give hundred per cent to a shot, you can’t make it look genuine. So, the right way is to have the man in your mind who makes you sweat at first sight and then you can smooch your co-star perfectly. [Link]

I wish we’d known this earlier: The secret to a great kiss is to think of a person who makes you all sweaty. We knew bosses were good for something ..

Stop Gloating Dude. She’s kissing someone else right now.

Related posts: Cruel and Unusual Punishment, A Crippling Composer, Chokher Bali Is Just A Veil, Metamorphosis, You Go Girl!

Once upon a time, Bobby Darling – television actor who underwent a sex change recently – was friends with Riya Sen. She and Riya would hang out a lot, and Riya loved her so much that she couldn’t stay without her for a minute.

So when Riya went to Indore, she took Bobby along with her, presumably to spend some quality time with a close friend. Bobby though had other ideas: she wanted to go sightseeing.

“Riya once took me to Indore as her companion, as I wanted to do some sightseeing.

There was a sightseeing tour, but she didn’t want to go out or let me go either. When she saw that I was keen to go, she offered me a vitamin tablet and said it was for good health…” [Link]

Who can refuse a yummy little vitamin tablet, right? A colored one, at that.

After consuming the coloured tablet, Bobby was knocked out and woke up only eight hours later. [Link]

“I never sleep at that time, and that too for eight hours straight. I realised that something was up. Also by the time I woke up, we’d missed our sightseeing trip.

That’s when Riya told me that instead of a vitamin pill, she’d given me a sleeping tablet instead. However she didn’t mix it in alcohol.” [Link]

Thank God for small mercies. Coming to think of it, Bobby must be thankful for a lot more.What if Riya had been a mean, scheming shrew and force fed her choice scenes from Taj Mahal instead of force feeding her colored tablets? At least the sleeping tablet wore off…

Riya, benevolent brat.

Related posts: A Crippling Composer, Koena’s Travails, Chokher Bali Is Just A Veil, Metamorphosis

When I get a haircut, people point and laugh. And when I grow my hair long, people point and laugh longer. My point is, I wish I was Lisa Ray. Did that sound weird? I meant to say, I wish I could pull off a Lisa Ray.

I watched ‘Water‘ a few months back, but not until I read reviews did I realize she had played a Hindu widow in that. Damn, and to think I made a remark during the movie that more girls should go for her “look”. And do I even need to describe how she looks like with long hair? What do you think made Nusrat go all ape-shit with alaaps in Afreeen?

And now, we hear she is playing a lesbian in a Shamim Sarif movie.

The author of award-winning ‘The World Unseen’ is all set to direct a film Can’t Think Straight’, which will star none other than Water nymph Lisa Ray as a le(s)bian. Link

We have no idea who Shamim Sarif is, but god bless her soul. We wish she would write to us so we could suggest a few names to play Lisa’s co-star. Actually, just one name. And then when I say, I wish I was Lisa Ray, it wouldn’t sound so weird.

Himesh Reshammiya, the popular (snicker) Hindi composer answers a few questions from The Outlook, providing us a window into the workings of His incredible mind.

Your stubble-and-cap look is getting rather predictable, isn’t it?

I agree.

And yet, why are you popular?

Because God wants me to be.

So, the secret of your success is…

God. [Link]

Wait. Hold off on expressing your admiration for the man until you read the next question.

Are you just a passing flavour?

From my first song to my 28th hit, from Tere Naam, the largest-selling album in the last 10 years, to all the jury and popular awards, from the pure classical raag-based film album Benares to the semi-classical Tere Naam or the rocking young tracks in Aashique Banaya Aapne, Aksar, China Town, Tom, Dick and Harry, Phir Hera Pheri, Humraaz, Aitraaz, Janaabe Aali, Niqamma, Mohabbat Hai Mirchi–I’m being called a passing flavour?

So, what are you?

A passing flavour, perhaps… [Link]

Such blinding wit. Throw in the deafeningly good voice, and the mind numbing music – and you got a killer musician on your hands. Thank goodness our feet can still run.

Hottie here. Sudha, are you happy now?

Related posts: Speech Is Silver: The CopyCats Getting Together Edition, Metamorphosis, Speech Is Silver: Blaspheming the Bard Editon, You Go Girl!, Speech Is Silver II, Speech Is Silver

Fardeen Khan is not a man who says no to drugs. But he is capable of saying – not too much. He has been charged with possession of cocaine, but wants to make it clear that he was buying one gram only, not nine! And taking the drug-dealer-addict relationship to whole new levels, he even asked his dealer to vouch for him.

Fardeen’s peddler, Nasir Abdul Karim Khan in a statement, has backed Fardeen’s claim by saying that he planned to sell only one gram of the contraband to the actor and remaining eight grams were meant for some other buyer. [Link]

PUKE ALERT: HIGH, REALLY HIGH

Emraan Hashmi, Bollywood’s Serial Kisser, has stunned the industry by announcing that he has given up kissing. He stood by this new resolution even in the face of considerable temptation. See Exhibit A. We understand that Exhibit A was as stunned as we are to hear the news.

“Nisha rolled over and waited and waited for the kiss… but it didn’t happen! She looked stunned and couldn’t figure out what happened.” [Link]

Exhibit A: Nisha Kothari in a daze after Emran Hashmi didn’t kiss her.

As wonderful as this news is, Silver Screen advises its readers not to bring out the champagne just yet. After all, kissing is just for amateurs. And Hashmi is the consummate professional. This is what he says he will do, if people ask him explicitly enough that is.

When asked if he would refuse if directors ask him to kiss, he replied: “If they ask me to run naked, I have to! I have to be clear about what they want.” [Link]

Exhibit B: Ex-serial kisser, soon-to-be-stripper says chee-chee to kissing

She says her mobile phone is bombarded with SMS messages and you could guess what kind of messages they would be. Passes at her, proposals for dates and dinners or plain romantic mush.

Even someone with half-a-brain would start guessing – The Rai woman? Our poster-girl Ileana? Kaavya Vishwanathan complaining about “unknown calls” from Chennai? Or Celina Jaitley, who recently renounced mobile communications?

I (Celina) don’t like to use my cell phone when I’m at work; I think it’s very disturbing. In fact, I don’t even carry my phone on my shoots. [Link]

Wrong. Why would anyone ever make a pass at Ileana? And have you seen Aishwarya lately? And Celina…prancing about in her mini skirts & skimpy bikinis. *puke*

No, this is closer to home (if you live in Kodambakkam). This is what sultry seductress Gopika has to go through everyday. That’s right, I said Gopika. And the messages do not just originate from the phones of adolescent boys captivated by this Mallu chechi.

She also says,”there are several actors who have sent me such messages, but I won’t tell their names as my career is at stake. [Link]

Gopika and her bindi in another trend-setting outfit

I admit it, my first thought was – what career? But I guess I’m also curious about what actor. I mean seriously dude – If you’re going to be a pathetic sleaze, at least raise your bar. Contact us and we’ll let you have Trisha’s number for a bit part in your next movie. Oh! you thought only you could be pathetic?

……….

Speaking of cellphones, someone sent Ex-MP and Why-Actor, Sarath Kumar an obscene SMS. Link

Sir, the person who sent the message would like to clarify that Sperm* is actually SMS speak for ‘Supreme Star’.

The Hindustan Times Tabloid – our reliable news source of the day – reports that police are trying to determine if a recent accident in New Delhi could’ve been a suicide in disguise. At least, that’s what we think the report says… it is mostly a series of commas punctuated by the occasional word.

The recent Honda burning case, in the capital, has left everyone in a state of tizzy. Mystery shrouds as to whether it was God, who fulfilled the desire of lovebirds to end their lives together, whose charred bodies were found inside a totally burnt Honda City car few backs. [Link]

But here is what interests us the most. Apparently, the last thing the couple did was watch Fanaa.

The suicide note dated May 24 further revealed their plan to go and see the much-hyped movie Fanaa on Sunday (May 28) and further states that it is only God who knows what would happen next. [Link]

We shudder to think what they would’ve done if they’d watched Garam Masala instead. (And thank you so much for not mentioning Neal ‘N’ Nikki in our presence.)

Technorati: Bollywood, Fanaa

Del.icio.us: Bollywood, Fanaa

Poor Koena Mitra. People keep dissing her for going under the knife, but little do they realize that it was her troubled childhood that forced her into it.

… when she was growing up she was totally tomboyish. In fact, for her first day at school, she was dressed up as a boy by her father. Her father loved to dress her up as a boy. Sneakers, T-Shirts and shorts were part of her daily wear as well as short hair.

That was until disaster (in a miniscule sense) struck. One typical day at school, Koena wanted to go to the loo and the school bai took her there. Only thing was that the bai was so convinced that Koena was a boy that she took her to the boy’s toilet. No matter how much Koena cried at the top of her lungs claiming to be a girl, the bai refused to listen. [Link]

Such trauma. Tch. Tch. (And Mr. Reporter – Calling this miniscule betrays an appaling lack of sympathy…) At the very instant, Koena decided that she had to appear more feminine.

Koena was so embarrassed, that she immediately went home and asked her mother to make her look like a girl. So her mother put on clip earrings, plastic bangles and a very pretty dress. [Link]

We presume she was only partly happy with the results, so when she grew up, she went to a doctor and asked him to make her look a bit more – ahem – feminine. Fair enough, right? (Link Link) As a man, I only know too well how traumatic it is to enter a women’s restroom. After the experience, my hands promptly went under the teacher’s cane. Teacher’s Cane. Doctor’s knife. Same difference.

And so, on behalf of all men, I would like to apologize to Koena and let her know that we all understand totally.

Koena Mitra, who only only hangs out with very “feminine” stars these days…

Related posts: Speech is Silver: The Contradicting Oneself Edition, Metamorphosis

You know how these models keep slipping out of their clothes and get away by blaming their designers? I am sure you do, dear readers, especially because you spent several hours searching for the term wardrobe malfunction on Google. (Hint: Search elsewhere). SilverScreen strongly condemns such malfunctions – it is our long held belief that the strength of the moral fabric of a society is inversely proportional to the strength of the fabric on catwalk models.

When it happened at the Lakme Fashion Week last month, the Maharashtra Government reacted rather admirably.

Maharashtra’s deputy chief minister R R Patil has ordered Mumbai police commissioner A N Roy to check the video clippings of Lakme Fashion Week, to verify if the wardrobe malfunctions that occurred on the ramp were genuine or ‘deliberate, indecent acts’.

On March 29 when Carol Gracias was walking the ramp for Bennu Sehgall’s collection, her halter top slipped off. A day later the skirt Gauhar Khan donned for the Lascelles Symons’s show split open. [Link]

But a month has passed now, and we are not sure what came out of the review. We are also not sure if Mr. A.N. Roy has come out of the sound-proof room he went into to watch the tapes in peace. Very disappointing for those of us who expected some quick action.

However, there is some good news now. Apparently, the Upper House of the Indian Parliament has spent a considerable amount of time debating the issue last week, and they’ve proposed a law making underwear compulsory for catwalk models. Thank God there are at least a few sane people left in this nation… we request all of you to write to your respective MPs to show your support for the law.

A proposal was mooted for undergarments being made mandatory for models on the catwalk and anguish expressed about clothes designed for such shows becoming shorter and tighter. [Link, through India Uncut.]

Even Rakhi Sawant agrees with us. We think.

“But undergarments are a necessity. However, on the ramp one should not interfere with the design of a dress and the episodes referred to were accidents.” She is quick to add,”But if the government feels, it should go ahead with it. [Link]

Eh, Rakhi… undergarments are a necessity, but we also strongly recommend some outergarments. In the most sensible part of the report, Amanpreet Wahi, catwalk model, brings up the question of enforcement.

An amused Amanpreet Wahi, model, simply cannot stop laughing.”If I was not wearing any, will they come to check? Who can tell me when to wear what?” [Link]

The writers at SilverScreen would like to let lawmakers know that in the interest of sewing together India’s torn moral fabric, they are willing to volunteer for the unpleasant job of checking models for proper attire before every catwalk. We’ll even do it for free – that’s how selfless we are.

Related post: To show or not to show

Chokher Bali, the Rituparno Ghosh “passion play” is an adaptation of an acclaimed Rabindranath Tagore novel for the big screen. When the movie was released, the critics raved about it, as they are wont to when the director’s previous movies have an arty feel to them, and rather surprisingly for an Aishwarya Rai starrer, it even made a little bit of money at the box office.

No deviation from the script, so far.

Buoyed by his success, Rituparno wanted to cash in some more, and so he decided to to dub his movie into Tamil. He brings in a bunch of Tamil distributors to watch the movie and they see right through the the movie: The whole “Tagore-Adultery-Period Piece” routine was just a wrapper to obfuscate the focal point of the movie: a ten second scene of Ms. Rai showing her bare back to the audience. Told you these guys are sharp…

So yes, the movie will be dubbed into Tamil and it will be titled “Aishwarya Rai is a Very Beautiful Woman.” [Aishwarya Rai Oru Perazhagi, Source, in Tamil.].

She plays the role of a young widow who is unable to control her biological inclinations and has an adulterous relationship with her friend’s husband. In this controversial subject, Aishwarya Rai has acted without a drape on top. [Link]

And this report in Tamil, telling us exactly why the movie should be watched.

Aishwarya does not wear a blouse through the entire movie, and she is always clad in a white saree. She has “poured” her beautiful body into the movie. In one scene, she wears nothing on top – dancing her way into the “chests” of readers. The censor board was “stunned” when they watched the movie, because all the “glamor scenes” appear “crystal clear.”

What movie were they watching, I wonder. But then again, we have to admit: this is no deviation from the script either.

Related posts: Distilling The Essence, Metamorphosis, Ingrates

Aishwarya Rai Bollywood Cinema Hindi Kollywood Tamil

Aishwarya Rai Bollywood Cinema Hindi Kollywood Tamil

This is a fair and balanced blog. Now we’ll be the first to admit that we aren’t big fans of Ram Gopal Varma, but when the man does something good, we’ll be the first to hand him his due.. in this case, he deserves a slurpy wet kiss (on the cheek, please) for his candor.

In a brave move, Varma has acknowledged in public what we’ve suspected for a long, long time. He can’t really make horror movies.

… the outspoken director referred to SRK’s best friend, Karan Johar’s Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, as a “horror film“. [Link]

“When I called K3G a horror film, I was actually paying Karan a backhanded compliment. I’m not capable of making a film like that. [Link]

Gee, it comes about two hundred movies too late, this realization of his, but we’ll take what we get.

Related posts: Silver is Speechless, Speech Is Silver: Blaspheming the Bard Editon, Lolita in Hindi

Ram Gopal Varma Bollywood Cinema Desi Hindi Speech is Silver

Ram Gopal Varma Bollywood Cinema Desi Hindi Speech is Silver

Koena Mitra, on plastic surgeries…

“It’s a very private thing for any woman to talk about,” says Mitra, the sexy Saki Saki girl from Musafir. “I think plastic surgery is like medicine you take when you fall down. If you realise there’s something missing in you, you go in for it.”… [Link, Indian Express]

Koena Mitra, on plastic surgeries…

“I take it as a compliment if people think I have gone under the knife to look good, when actually, it’s “natural”. People don’t use their brains before asking such ridiculous questions — I am not at an age where I need a facelift. [Link, Midday]

Meanwhile, reports say that Koena has sent a legal notice to MidDay, but not the Indian Express (or SilverScreen). Hmm..

Related posts: Metamorphosis, Speech Is Silver: Blaspheming the Bard Editon, Speech Is Silver II, Speech Is Silver

Bollywood Cinema India Hindi Movies koena mitra

Bollywood Cinema India Hindi Movies koena mitra

One evening, as Sangeeth Sivan was recovering from a stupor induced by bad music, he discovered that his heroine had been changed into a slightly less monstrous creature. He sat on his chair back and saw, as he lifted his head up a little, her puffy, swollen face, unmistakably altered. Her two legs, pitifully thin in comparison to her bust, flickered helplessly before his eyes. [Franz, meet Bollywood.]

“It happened during the music launch of Ghai’s Shaadi Se Pehle. Yes, I did ask Koena what she had done to her face. She was looking very different from when I had seen her last, during the first schedule.”

“Koena told me that there was some problem with her teeth. She had had a tooth removed, and hence her face looked swollen.” Sivan said that Koena did not tell him that she had undergone any enhancement procedure. “But I have heard that Koena has had a facelift. People have been talking about it on the sets,” reveals the director. [Link]

Naturally enough, much strife followed the metamorphosis. On the sets of Sivan’s Money, Money, Money, Koena and Riya Sen got into a “cold war” with both of them accusing each other of getting facelifts.Unit hands say it wasn’t a pretty sight.

We are still trying to find out if the war got physical; and if so, if there was any ripping of clothes, and if so, if there was a cameraman nearby. We’ll let you know as soon as we find out.

Continue reading ‘Metamorphosis’

One time in college, I had to endure a crash course in Tamil Cussin-guistics from a classmate, after I had just popped his head with a water-filled plastic bag. Not too pleasant an experience. I never knew my great-uncle’s niece, farm animals & construction equipment could be used in the same sentence with such biting effect.

Not Dino Morea, but close

But those were mere words that healed over time. I fear a worse fate for Dino Morea.

Actor Dino Morea admits to playing pranks on Celina Jaitley – his co-star in “Tom Dick & Harry” – like pouring vodka into her coffee and tying her down to a chair! “Another time Celina was wearing this elaborate dress with lots of frills. I tied her dress to the chair. When she got up, the chair came with her,” he added. Link

Continue reading ‘Dino has bum chums’

India is miffed, and rightfully so.

So these two hot chicks travel all the way to France on Indian passports. With tickets purchased using Indian money made from acting in Indian movies shot mostly in Switzerland. See how much India has done for them already?

And what do these ungrateful bimbos do the moment they land in France? They toss away their beautiful Indian clothes and change into clothes designed by white people. Oh the travesty of it! The sheer blasphemy.

On the other hand, Bollywood has become a symbol of India, celebrated on international catwalks and even at the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne. Therefore, what Aishwarya Rai and Preity Zinta wear is of great significance.Within our limits, in a world ruled by pulchritude, there is much to consider. One might say that the Rais and Zintas of this world have a right to dress how they want to and should not be subject to any nationalistic pressure.

But others say that as long as they present themselves as Indian actresses, they must bear the Indian part in mind, especially overseas. [Link]

And here’s Shobhaa De, understated as always, calling it a disaster.

[...] Shobhaa De said, “It is disaster, disaster, disaster. When India is the international flavour, why are our girls dressing like Marys off to church? Even if it is fusion wear, they should be showcasing our brilliant crafts.

Instead, they are looking like Hispanic nobodies- Penelope Cruz’s handmaidens, Salma Hayek’s dressers. Bollywood actresses should wear India with pride. [Link]

Very sad indeed. SilverScreen recommends that the Gujarat Government consider banning all movies featuring these two ungrateful young starlets. It is high time someone taught them a lesson.

Continue reading ‘Ingrates!’

Bollywood’s making a sequel to Hera Pheri [Link]. We understand that this is going to be a funny movie. The leading lady takes great effort to reassure us that it’s a funny movie.

Basu says: “It definitely is really funny. Even the songs in the film have comic timing. I am doing an item number with Akshay which is also very funny.”

“I have seen the first film ‘Hera Pheri’. And it is really funny. [Link]

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

PS: A funny item number, forgive me, a very funny item number…Now there’s a first! Perhaps there’s a reason to watch this movie, after all, eh?

Chingaari (The Spark), the Kalpana Lajmi movie that has Sushmita Sen playing a callgirl, is now playing to “packed houses” in Tamil. The dubbed movie is titled Sivappu Vilakku Singari.^[1] Heh. [Link, in Tamil]

These guys don’t beat around the bush, do they? Dunno if you see it, but Singari even rhymes with Chingaari. Such genius.

PS: And please, don’t ask for Sushmita pictures with this post. This is not about that.

PPS: In an interesting sidenote, Chingaari was originally titled A Prostitute and A Postman. Hah! (Ok, I was being presumptuous when I said interesting sidenote.)

[1] : A loose translation would be Red Light Rachel, but that doesn’t even begin to capture the sheer magic of the Tamil title.

Related Posts: Lost In Translation

Actresses Tamil Cinema Movies Hindi Bollywood Sushmita Sen

Actresses Tamil Cinema Movies Hindi Bollywood Sushmita Sen

Ajay Devgan, foot firmly in mouth, on his upcoming film Omkara which is supposedly based on Shakespeare’s Othello.

Devgan, who admitted he had not read Othello before shooting began, said the Hindi film was, in some senses, “better”.

“We picked up the story line and it’s completely adapted by Vishal. The way he has adapted it I would want to say he has done a great job — for me it is better than the original, the way he has adapted it.” [Link]

Ajay Devgan, foot starting to tickle throat by now, continues…

“I am not letting Shakespeare down or anything of the sort but when you make a novel into a film, there has to be some changes according to our country — though the whole credit is to Shakespeare…” [Link]

Ajay Devgan, botched attempt at extrication of foot causing it to slide deeper down esophagus, has more wisdom to proffer.

“What I was trying to say (is) the original was not a film, when we talk of Shakespeare,” Devgan pointed out. [Link]

Not a film. Good Lord, who would’ve thought.

And here’s Viveik “characteristically eloquent” Oberoi, holding court on the same subject.

Continue reading ‘Speech Is Silver: Blaspheming the Bard Editon’

The Mid Day reports that Tanushree Dutta, former Miss Universe has done something totally out of character: A No Show.

At a recent award ceremony, a Diva act was on the schedule, starring Tanushree Dutta, Koena Mitra and Udita Goswami, and choreographed by Ganesh Hegde — but when Tanushree’s name was announced on stage, the actress didn’t turn up.

Frantic calls were made to locate Tanushree, but nobody could trace her. Finally, after Udita’s songs, Koena had to come out and do her medley.

Ganesh was very depressed. Half an hour after the show ended, somebody saw Tanushree wandering around. [Link]

Poor Tanushree. Cut her some slack will ya? It is not like she is a habitual no-shower. See this if you don’t believe me.

Continue reading ‘To show or not to show’