Stardonic

Speaking of temples, we recall that someone once built a temple (or two or three – who can keep count of the things Tamil fans will do for their rotund objects of desire) for an actress. When we heard that, we’d felt we’d seen it all. Clearly, the Tams have a heck of a lot to learn from the Surds (besides the correct way to make Dal Makhni and Tandoori Chicken). A fan from Jamshedpur has raised the stakes, all ye Kuhsboo, Rambha fans! While all you’ve ever done is built a temple or risk life and limb pouring down beverages from a great height, Pappu Sardar has altered time for Madhuri.

Pappu Sardar, the owner of a small eatery at Sakchi in Jamshedpur, has launched a calendar with the year beginning from the Madhuri’s date of birth 15th May.

[Sardar] has appealed to the government to declare it a holiday. He explained that his financial year will begin from May 15 and end on May 14 next year.[Link]

The members of SilverScreen wish to express our heartfelt gratitude to Priyadarshan. No – not for providing us with countless opportunities to make lemonade (well, he does keep throwing lemons in our face, and we’re of a an optimistic persuasion) – but for finally throwing something we heartily approve of! We hear he hit that most lovely of Bollywood starlets, yes – the one and only Shahid Kapur – on the jaw, with a cricket ball. We have long wanted to throw a number of things at this actor, and we’re very glad that someone finally did it. Now, if we can only arrange for a, ahem, friendly match with our other favorites (the Chimp, the Man-no-Woman-Will-Work-With, the Psycho, and other bete-noirs)…

Poor Katrina Kaif. Apparently, she was dancing on the sets of this movie called Anees Bazmee’s Welcome and her sandals broke. And then she danced again, and the sandals broke again. Where normal humans would’ve lost their cool, Kaif makes horrid jokes instead.

Kat’s wry humour bursts forth, as she tells her make-up lady, “The designer must have got these sandals at a toy shop!”… [Link]

Wry humor alright.

But our beef is not with Katrina, it is with Mid-Day. So this cameramen sees a girl in a “lime-green strappy number, with gold embroidery, hopping around on one foot” and this is the best picture he can get? Was wry humor the only thing bursting forth? Gad. Fire him already, will ya.

Courtesy Mid-Day

Wait, we have more.

Continue reading ‘Questions’

We firmly believe that Minissha Lamba, the Yahaan girl, as folks insist on telling us, will soon be known for much, much more.

I am surely obsessed with my growing hips. I want them to grow much bigger than they are. And that’s the reason I love doing all those things, which will make my hip bigger and bigger. I feel there is nothing wrong in having bigger hips.[Link]

I am not against the skin show if it is done without any compromise. I love playing characters that runs around tress and frolic in romantic situations… [Link]

Hat Tip: Amit Varma [Link]

Since the days of Raj Kapoor, we’ve been exporting talent and beauty to Bollywood. Take a moment to consider this wall of fame.

Personally, I used to feel a sense of loss – a nagging thought that all these talented actors and actresses were somehow spirited away, seduced by the moolah and the opportunities to sing and dance in Gstaad.

Clearly, I was too hasty in thinking of all this as being an exodus. I know better now. It’s all part of a truly diabolical scheme – something larger, grander than I’d ever dared to imagine. Every dusky beauty we’ve let them have, every hunk with a sweet smile – Trojan horses, every single one of ‘em.

This is what they’re going to get, soon!

To listen to the newest Bollywood star perform in the Rashtrabhasha, click here.

In Bollywood, ask anyone to name their favorite Bhatt classic and you’ll hear them say – “Why? All his autobiographical films of course, and *wink wink* Jennifer Lopez’s too. Get it? Bhatt-Butt?” If you can ignore the tasteless joke, you’ll realize it’s true.

Hop on a time machine, and you could watch Mahesh Bhatt’s past in Eastman Color and marvel at his phillum-like life (while you’re there tell me that Neelima is not interested in me). Which is why Bhatt-saab didn’t make just one, but three autobiographical movies. Except…he got drunk, a lot, while making them and left daughter Pooja Bhatt with a definitely weird childhood that has her speaking at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting years later about what it meant to have an alcoholic father around.

But Bhatt that she is, an emotional speech is but a trailer for what will follow.

Continue reading ‘Know your Bhatts’

After making the Japs swoon, we’re now making the Polish weep. [Link] Aren’t we a fortunate lot to experience the golden years of Indian cinema!

To call yourself a fan of Indian movies is far more demanding than eating the occasional vindaloo and samosa and calling yourself an Indian foodie.

Everyone knows how much store Indians set by their gurus. Digression: let that be lesson no.1. A typical Indian Guru has almost nothing to do with Marisa Tomei or Heather Graham. And ladies, the guru typically looks less like Jimi Mistry, and more like him. End digression. So, pay heed to the voice of experience:

Continue reading ‘So, you want to watch Indian movies, eh?’

Arshad Warsi, actor, proving that Ms. Sheernaz Hussain isn’t the only delusional ass in Bollywood.

This is where my acting talent comes in — you see me behaving normally, with a big smile on my face, but in reality, my head is in a whirl and my stomach is hurting badly…” [Link]

I know hanging out with Sanjay Dutt is bound to inflate your self worth, but this much? Remarkable.

Continue reading ‘Speech Is Silver’

Jennifer Lopez was supposed to be in Mumbai on April 23 to promote her er… music album ‘Rebirth’ besides her other works including charity. And I thought – That’s a double whammy. She’ll raise money and levels of musical mediocrity in Bollywood.

Hollywood’s ambassador to Bollywood and founder of www.hollywood.tv, Sheernaz Hasan, who spoke to Lopez’s management, has confirmed her date with Mumbai. “Yes it’s for sure she is definitely performing in Mumbai this time. Like I had always said Hollywood is looking up to India and Bollywood in a very big way, it’s my mission to promote Bollywood in Hollywood, and this is just the beginning,” Hasan said. Link

Turns out Ms. Hasan was a delusional ass. Not as big as you know what, but still.

Continue reading ‘J-Lo in Mumbai’

The moment I saw an article about someone called Amita Chandekar, I was stunned. Here’s a ravishing, long legged lass with a hidden passion, and I’d never heard of her before. Shame on Manoj.

Acting isn’t the only passion for Amita Chandekar. The long-legged lass likes spending her free time with a paper and pencil in hand. [Link]

I got over my disappointment and kept reading…

Continue reading ‘Art for the sake of art’

It is widely believed that Nishabd, Ram Gopal Varma’s next movie starring Amitabh Bachchan is loosely based on Nabokov’s Lolita.

The film revolves around a 54-year old married man, played by Bachchan who falls in love with a girl, 36 years younger than him. Newcomer, Jia will play Bachchan’s love interest. They believe that a new face will make the character more believable. [Link]

However, amid mounting criticism, Varma has denied that it is a Lolita remake.

Continue reading ‘Lolita in Hindi’

Images courtesy vikatan.com

What is life?

Since Deepak Chopra was too busy rewriting the Kama Sutra, someone decided to ask Vidya Balan instead. The Parineeta girl tells us,

I was originally slated to do Run in Tamil. After the first photosession, they replaced me with Meera Jasmine.

Then I was booked for a movie called Manasellam in Tamil. This time I lasted upto the first schedule before they called me not photogenic and replaced me with Trisha. They said this even though I was well known in modeling circles for my beauty.

Now, they are after me to star opposite Kamalhassan in his latest.

That is life. [Link, requires paid subscription]

Oh, thank you, you poor photogenic vixen. That’s philosophy even we get.

Meanwhile, our reporters tell us that Vidya was also originally slated to do Godfather in Tamil. But then, true to form, she was replaced by the person shown in this picture. I like Vidya, but I think that in this case the replacement is surely hotter than her.

In 1995, there was DDLJ. In 2006, it’s MPLJ, a refreshing take on the Laila-Majnu story. The premise, the rumor mills say, is intriguing – the lovely Laila jumps, while the athletic Majnu pumps. Genius.

The B-grade movie brigade mainly manages to attract their target audience through sleazy posters and titillating titles. One such movie title happens to be Majnu Pumping Laila Jumping that has created quite a buzz

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Bi-weekly Silverscreen Tip
Useful Acronyms : AC/DC, SRT and BRB
Useless Acronyms : FMC, WIFPA, IMPPA and ROTFLMAO

Interviewer: You used to have 25 people in you. What did she(the wife) do with all of them?
Husband: She loved all of them!
Wife: No, there are some of them I don’t like!
Interviewer: Where are they now?
Husband: Well no! That was just me!
Interviewer: Have they gone?
Husband: Yeah!
Interviewer: All gone! It was getting too crowded!

I skipped dinner trying to figure that out. And dessert. And the rapid greying of hair began with the googly-esque “That was just me”. But the nail in the coffin, and I literally mean the coffin by my side now – the one I built from ripping all the furniture in the house, was the interviewer finally making sense of it all.

I spit on my education. My father wasted his money. It’s been a great life. Goodbye folks.
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