Tamil

Sneha Saves Sandhya

Sandhya and Sneha, bless their souls, were returning home on New Year’s Eve when disaster seems to have struck. Sandhya’s rickety old car somehow managed to entangle itself in some quality Chennai slush.

After completing their commitments for a private television channel for a new-year day programme, both Sneha and Sandhya were returning on the ECR in their car. Unfortunately Sandhya’s car got struck and it could not be moved. It was Sneha who rushed to Sandhya’s rescue. [Link]

“Auntyji, if you ever have a flat, give me a call. I got several tires I can spare,” a grateful Sandhya is reported to have said to Sneha before leaving.

Fire At Vijaykumar’s House

The hottest news out of Chennai today is that there was some sort of fire at the house of actor Vijayakumar. Vijayakumar, incidentally, has four kids, all of whom have been in movies at one time or the other. The kids managed to land roles mostly because of Vijayakumar calling in debts from his old producers.

“Remember when I acted in your movie? I acted so much in that role, you owe me big. Now please give my daughter a role, even though she can’t act. After ten movies, we’ll be even.”

If I know my math, there is still a lot of roles left to collect, especially from the producer of Kizhakku Cheemyile. Anyways, here is what happened yesterday:

Fire broke out in the house of actor Vijayakumar at Ekkaduthangal in Chennai on Tuesday. The actor was living in the house along with his son Arun Vijay, who got married recently.

Arun Vijay was the one who saw the billowing flames emanating from the bedroom in the first floor of the office. He immediately alerted Fire Service personnel.

Fire and Rescue Service personnel reached the spot and doused the fire. [Link]

Investigators can safely rule out members of Vijaykumar’s household as possible arsonists. They just aren’t that hot, plus Sridevi was probably shooting in Hyderabad…. On second thoughts, investigators should probably try to find out why the fire didn’t die by itself when it looked at Arun Vijay. I think there might be a Nobel in there somewhere.

Namitha Sheds Tears

I still remember it like it was yesterday. One day last month, a mild drizzle had woken up the city. I was out shopping for groceries when I ran into Jessica Alba in a bikini. I closed my eyes and opened them again. In that interval, the girl had morphed into someone that was clearly not Jessica. And in that very same interval, a movie was released in theaters in Tamil Nadu and flopped miserably. It was titled Until There Is A Heart (Nenjirukkum Varai).

Damn, was that the most pathetic first line ever or what. Some moron told me that Jessica Alba would bring me visitors, and I figured I would work her name into my post with a touch of class, but who am I kidding? Eww, I can’t believe people read this blog.

So anyways, what I was trying to say was that this movie – Until There Is A Heart – flopped. And flopped miserably. Jessica Alba. Britney Spears. Undergarments.

Well, I am not surprised at all, because here is what happened at the premiere:

After watching the preview show, Namita came out with tears in her eyes. Precisely the climax has had its effect on her.

I have never seen a climax like this. I couldn’t control my tears, this movie will be a milestone in Naren’s career, was Namita’s acknowledgement. [Link]

It all sounds good, except that Namitha is the girl that had her cellphone stolen by a crow. And after the robbery, she had tried calling the crow to see if it would pick up her phone. And if she is moved by your movie, you are better off ripping the film roll into bite size pieces and gently wiping her tears off, ’cause whatever you may think of her, she does have a huge heart.

Pictures through thesuperficial.com and thatstamil.com

Actress loses valuable data

It distresses us to see more and more examples of technologically-challenged actresses. First, there was the incident involving a crow [Link]. Now, we hear one more cell phone’s been lost. Vindya lost her cellphone on her way to Bahrain.

S*ardonic’s investigations have so far revealed no animal or avian plot behind this incident. Clearly, the animal kingdom is falling in line with human thinking on the issue, and exhibiting no interest whatsoever in Vindya.

Our leg work did help us find out that having been booted out of the movie industry, the actress appears to have taken up boot-legging data instead:

The mobile, which was worth Rs. 30 thousand rupees had valuable data of VIPs and film folks.” [Link]

Assorted VIPs and film folks mentioned above heaved a sigh of relief as Vindya went on to admit that she has neither a head for numbers nor back up for her, er, valuable data.

I have no back up for the important telephone numbers, which were stored in that phone. I could not even recollect my father’s number, I relied a lot on that phone. [Link]

Comeback No.1

You can take a star out of the movies, but apparently not the movies out of the star. Govinda, for example, has been out of movies and into politics for the last five or so years. Or maybe not:

After winning the elections… I wanted to know more about politics and do something for my constituency. After three years, I signed a film [Link]

He does seem to have picked up something from his years as a politician, though. No one else would have the er, generosity, to come up with such gift ideas:

My comeback in Bhagam Bhag is a gift I am giving my family and fans on my birthday. [Link]

He assures us that this gift will come wrapped in a nice package. Govinda has been working hard at losing weight.

I walk and practise yoga for an hour each. [Link]

Although he shares Bhagam Bhag with Akshay Kumar, Govinda makes it clear that he will be No.1, even when he’s in drag.

I will never play a second heroine. Till the end of my career, I will do only main roles, whatever it is. [Link]

Oh…that was Simran. Clearly, the S*ardonic team hasn’t quite recovered from this morning’s trauma. [Link]

Hattip from onlooker

Mamta Mohandas Should Try Tylenol

Mamta Mohandas must be traumatized. And hurting.

And you would be too, if you had to spend a good four hours squished between a hard handle on one side, and seventeen love handles on the other. Especially if the thing sporting the love handles had an evil grin and called itself Nayanthara. Eww, just the thought totally ruined my sleep tonight.

After the aircraft landed at Doha, the capital of Qatar, enroute to Hyderabad, Mamta joined and plunked herself next to Nayan in the Business Class.

After the flight took off from Doha, Mamta did not care to speak or acknowledge the presence of Nayantara sitting next to her… [Link]

So let me get this straight. A lady is stuck in a gigantic vise that is constantly squishing her, and you expect her to carry on a conversation with the vise? Wow, man, give her a break.

During the in-flight service, Mamta accidentally spilled water on Nayan and muttered “Sorry”, no other word was exchanged as both looked through each other… [Link]

Nice try Ms. Mohandas, but coffee usually works better.

Later to rub it in at the baggage clearance hall, Mamta went up to her and told that she did not recognize Nayan “without make-up”!… [Link]

Wow. I mean, attaboy sweetie. You just earned yourself a few fans for life.

Crow Flies Off With Namita’s Cellphone

Namita is being visited by her brother and his family at her home. During one of the family gatherings in her garden, Namita was playing with her niece.

A crow in the vicinity was stealing biscuits from the plate kept aside. In the process, the stealthy crow mistook Namita’s ultra slim cell phone to be a biscuit and grabbed it in a jiffy before taking off in the air. Namita, startled by this, chased the crow but could not recover her cell phone. [Link]

Now what gave Namita the right to carry an ultra-slim something? No wonder the crow was pissed. It was so pissed in fact, that when Namita called, it wouldn’t pick up the phone. Smart Crow.

I tried my number immediately after but the phone kept ringing, stated Namita in a melancholic voice that is unlike of her. [Link]

In a totally unrelated development, our Bollywood reporter tells us that Ajay Devgan was in Mumbai – not Chennai – when this incident happened. He does not say if Mr. Devgan can fly.

Madhavan likes to say ‘offbeat’

Madhavan says:

“Very rarely do offbeat movies become box-office hits. Audience should welcome such movies for the betterment of the industry,” {Link}

Stardonic says:

Paarthale Paravasam

 

Madhavan says:

Movies with offbeat themes have become a rarity. Audience should welcome such attempts. {Link}

Stardonic says:

Priyasakhi

 

Madhavan says:

It is my desire to be part of movies which have different story line and an honest attempt to take films to a higher level. {Link}

Stardonic says:

Dil Vil Pyar Vyar, Jay Jay, Aethirree, Thambi….

Priya Mani Is Actually Two People

I am sure there is some type of profound message in here, but I can’t decipher it for the life of me. I usually just say damn in such situations. Damn.

Actually, I think she is three people. The third people is rather hot.

Prakash Raj Shocked

And I don’t blame him at all.

If I got into work one morning to be greeted by a gun-toting, bearded Yeti on a stationary motorcycle, I would be shocked too. I’ll then fetch Mr. Yeti a comb, but that’s besides the point.

Well, a closer read seems to reveal that Prakash Raj was actually shocked with real electricity on the sets of his new movie, Lee.

Actor Prakash Raj had a close shave while shooting for Lee in Chennai on Wednesday.

A stunt sequence was shot, during which the actor sustained electric shock. He immediately raised alarm.

Sensing trouble, director Prabhu Solomon immediately switched off the generator. Prakash Raj was rushed to a hospital nearby. [Link]

Prakash Raj will never be my hero. Letting mere electricity thwart you… shame on you, old man. Here, take this.

(Video through youtube user aravind82)

Little Things To Thank Parents For: #173

Chetan Hansraj is the little kid from the Nycil ad who wanted his back scratched.

This Nycil ad I did is memorable because I think it has high recall value. Also, not many people know or believe that the kid in the ad is me… [Link]

The kid has now grown into a man that says:

“Of course men are big on bitching, but it’s harmless and more of a time pass. It is very common in our acting and modelling fraternity. But women take it on to a serious level. Personally, I would bitch among friends about other friends or co-actors. [Link]

Ankita is the cute young girl from the “I love you Rasna” ads. Now, Ankita has … just grown.

Aren’t you glad your mom hid you behind her saree when modeling coordinator uncle visited your house?

Aishwarya Provides Cover

Stardonic’s favorite news source carries a startling headline today, followed by a picture of some dude trying to suck all the collagen out of Nayantara’s lips.

Nayantara Hiding Behind Aishwarya Rai… [Link]

Now, call me a moron, but how in the world is that possible? I mean you could put Nayantara’s pinkie behind Aishwarya and half of it would show through. And the half that gets hidden does so only because Aishwarya is so damn dense.

Unless… unless… I wonder if Ileana was in the same room making out with Aishwarya. And then… wow. Damn, now I gotta go. Bye.

Swarnamalya releases some DVD

Swarnamalya, former host of Sun TV’s Ilamai Pudhumai (translates to ‘Chennai’s Lamest Teenagers’) was in town releasing some DVD.

Swarnmalya, who has acted in many films including the forthcoming Mozhi, recently launched a DVD of her dances. {Link}

Like always, actor Prashant added a megaton of star-power to the event by holding the DVD gingerly between his hands and posing for, what we are guessing was, the only photographer there (nice job, Swarnamalya’s Mom).

We’d also like to guess again and say Prashant surely thought he was releasing a DVD of a different kind – a high-definition version of the scandalous MMS clip allegedly featuring Swarnamalya. We can only imagine his frustration as he kept skipping chapters and seeking out Easter Eggs on the DVD. After which he probably checked his answering machine and heard producer AM Ratnam returning his call to shoot down an idea for a Moondru Mugam remake. Sad & depressed, he probably walked over to the gun drawer, caught a glimpse of Swarnamalya dancing on the TV screen and realized his life was not that bad after all.

So yeah, basically, the DVD is a must-buy. Oh wait, that was the Padma Subramaniam DVD.

Rakhi Sawant Steals Cups From Mamta Mohandas

Have you heard of this TV show called Bigg Boss? The show, we are told, has had Rakhi Sawant on it, along with Kashmira Shah and a person called Amit and another person called Ravi. An A-list cast, although we can’t figure out why they missed out Meghana Naidu and Nayantara.

This show, which-I-have-never-watched-so-hold-your-sympathy, appears to have some type of voting thing going on, and sometime in the recent past, Rakhi Sawant was voted off it due to an altercation with Amit over something both of them had absolutely no right over.

There was only one fight with Amit. He started it and I ended it. I had a favourite cup, which had the words ‘the world’s sexiest woman’ inscribed on it. In the morning, I realised somebody had used my cup. I got angry, so I broke it.

I told Kashmira (Shah), and she told me to fight for my rights. I asked Amit why he used my cup. [Link]

Excuse my ignorance, but why is Rakhi not in jail yet for stealing that cup from Mamta Mohandas? I mean, why was she even allowed in the general vicinity of the cup? And why is Kashmira free to roam the streets when she is such an obvious accomplice to a heinous crime?

And Amit, although I admit you probably have a (marginally) better claim than Rakhi to that cup, you had no business drinking from it. None at all. Bad girl.

Angry men give money away

First, we introduce the players:

Bharathiraja – the “Himalayan Director”:

Best work to date: Movie starring a girl falling in love with an older man.

Claim To Fame: Made a movie suspiciously like Lagaan long before Lagaan came out.

Real Claim To Fame: Both movies had lead protagonists that wore no blouses under their sarees.

Vairamuthu – the “Lyrical Emperor.” The guy that wrote:

Your spittle, it is holy – I’ll

drink your sweat, by golly.

The treat you just chewed – is as precious

as the pimples your skin just spewed.

Is it any wonder then that these guys are were best friends?

Next, we discuss the scheme: (Do read on dirty minds, there are photos at the end.)

Read More »

Nautch girl turns to organized crime

No one can accuse Ajith Kumar of playing the same roles over and over again. Take this example – only a movie ago, he played a beautiful nautch girl, and in his next movie, he’s all set to play Billa! [Link]

Yes, you heard right, Rajini fans. Ajith is the new Billa. We hear Ajith even got the go ahead from the original Billa, with a small caveat. “I’d go easy on the mascara, if I were you,” were the Superstar’s wise words.

To make a Rajini movie as a remake takes guts and strength of character. And Ajith has shown that he has it in him. [Link]

Hmm.. guts. Now if they had said that last year, we’d have agreed with them wholeheartedly, but right now, we think Namitha would make for a gutsier Billa.

Message In A Blouse

Silverscreen now has a new home. Please update your bookmarks.

Velu Prabhakaran is the type of filmmaker that makes sure all his movies carry Profound Messages.

A few years ago Velu made a movie called God ( “Kadavul” ). Nothing extraordinary there, except that the movie was meant to promote atheism. We don’t have exact numbers, but the movie managed to convert several deeply religious people into hardcore atheists, with the most frequently heard refrain being, “If there was a God, there’s no way he’d have let that movie hit the theaters.”

Thus encouraged by the success of God, Velu started working on his next movie which he chose to call Love Arena ( “Kadhal Arangam”) for reasons best known to him. The movie is ready for release now and as always it carries a message. Here’s Velu, in his own words:

My message is for the next generation. Here’s what I want my movie to tell them. Men have boobs just like women do. But women have some extra stuff going on in that area, so their boobs appear fleshier. That’s it. So I want the next generation to ignore boobs. [Link, subscription required]

Wow, I bet none of you knew that. Poor Velu is having trouble selling his movie to the censors – who never seem to understand such messages anyway – but I am totally sold.

The minute this movie hits the theaters, I am going. I’ll then look at the heroine’s breasts on screen and ignore them completely. You guys should do the same thing too. We owe it to the man.

Original Ignore Them

Pictures courtesy vikatan.com

Dream Project

V.C. Guganathan has been in the movie business for a long time, and now he is worried about his legacy. Since the easiest way to achieve lasting fame is by making your dream movie, Guganathan will soon direct a movie called Ithu MGR Illam (“This is the house of MGR”). And like we stated earlier, this movie will be Guganathan’s Dream Project.

(If you are one of those non-Tamil readers that reads this blog, the late MGR was an actor-turned-politician who ruled Tamil Nadu for a long time. And, dude, can you email Manoj and let him know where he can find hot pictures of hindi movie actresses?)

Here’s what Guganathan has to say about his movie:

One day MGR appeared in my dream, woke me up, and asked me if I had forgotten him.

The next day, I went to the MGR memorial and started meditating, when I had another dream. This time, I dreamt of Rajkiran sitting on the MGR memorial.

Naturally, I realized that the best lead man for my upcoming movie would be Rajkiran. And so I headed to Rajkiran’s house after a couple of days.

Rajkiran welcomed me in, and told me he knew I would come.

“How?,” I asked.

“Why, MGR appeared in my dream and told me you’d come,” he said.

Hmm. We have no doubts at all that the movie will establish Guganathan’s legacy as one of the top directors in the world. In his dreams, of course. And maybe even Rajkiran’s.

[Link to original story, in Tamil]

Hangin’ In There

Vallavan, starring SilverScreen mascots Nayanthara and Simbu has been in production for… like forever. And everyday, we hear things about the movie that make us lick our lips in anticipation…

Nayan has reportedly performed a scintillating dance number for which she was suspended in midair with the help of steel ropes. [Link]

Go back and read that again: Nayan.Suspended.MidAir.From.A.Mere.Chain. Now just where was this steel maker when the New Orleans levees were being constructed? I am placing an order for hurricane shutters from them right away. Florence, let’s see you break that defense!

It is not like when Nayan was hanging from the chain, Chimpu was idly gazing upwards – he was actually thinking pretty hard. Not many of you know this, but Indian movies don’t get Oscars mainly because the actors are shown smoking cheap cigarattes. Like at the Oscar’s last time, the camera zeroed in on Mammotty smoking a beedi, and the jury was like, “Hey, that’s cheap stuff. No Oscar for you.”

Clever man that he is, Simbu decided to redress the problem in Vallavan.

We also heard that Simbu would be seen smoking imported cigars in the movie, especially in the dance numbers. He has unleashed his own self in the larger than life sequences and is expecting the movie to do well. [Link]

When Vallavan gets that Oscar, you know where you heard it first.

Skirt Chasing

Know Nila? No?  Ok, here get to know her before we proceed.

When model Meera Chopra moved to Tamil films, she was rechristened Nila (The Moon) by director Surya (The Sun). Now at a recent film shoot, The Moon was supposed to run behind someone called Poochi (The Insect). And that’s what led her to experience the “scariest day in any human being’s life.”

The camera started running and as soon as the director uttered ‘Action’, Nila started chasing poochi. Out of the blue, a street dog appeared from nowhere and ran in chase of Nila – as is the characteristic of dogs. [Link]

Hmm… chasing hot women is a characteristic of dogs? Now why was the neighbor’s dog  after me all the frickin’ time? 

Nila obviously got frightened and ran faster crying her lungs out. The crew and the assistant director came to her rescue driving the dog out from the scene and rescuing the terrified Nila. She seemed to be in shock for half an hour and the shoots resumed after this hullabaloo.[Link]

In short, A Dog chasing The Moon that in turn was chasing The Insect. No wonder this is newsworthy.

When our reporter sought SJ Surya’s (remember him? The Sun) opinion on Nila being chased by strange creatures at film shoots, an angry Surya responded that he had stopped chasing her a long time back. Whatever, boss.