Stardonic

So, Hollywood makes the occasional decent movie. And folks in India want to “Indianize” them. Fine, we say. If we have to watch a rehash of an OK English movie, it’s a safer bet than a rehash of an OK Indian movie. [Link]

But surely, there must be some standards! For every Surya playing Guy Pierce, we get saddled with some casting director’s pathetic attempt to pass off Nayanthara as Carrie Ann Moss.

Now, we learn that Karan is apparently playing a role originally played by Patrick Dempsey [Link].

Just because lots of Tamil men like rotund stars doesn’t mean that Tamil women must, too! Can desi Hollywood fans please get someone to pass a Minimum Sexiness Standard? We submit exhibits 1A through 1D as the people’s evidence.

Speaking of temples, we recall that someone once built a temple (or two or three – who can keep count of the things Tamil fans will do for their rotund objects of desire) for an actress. When we heard that, we’d felt we’d seen it all. Clearly, the Tams have a heck of a lot to learn from the Surds (besides the correct way to make Dal Makhni and Tandoori Chicken). A fan from Jamshedpur has raised the stakes, all ye Kuhsboo, Rambha fans! While all you’ve ever done is built a temple or risk life and limb pouring down beverages from a great height, Pappu Sardar has altered time for Madhuri.

Pappu Sardar, the owner of a small eatery at Sakchi in Jamshedpur, has launched a calendar with the year beginning from the Madhuri’s date of birth 15th May.

[Sardar] has appealed to the government to declare it a holiday. He explained that his financial year will begin from May 15 and end on May 14 next year.[Link]

Senor Justin Surya, the young man who made Kushi, then Kushi, and then Kushi again before moving on to starring in sleazy comedies (that sleaze hungry Tamil dudes lapped up like there was no tomorrow) believes in laughing his problems off.

Question: The last few movies you made have tanked. Vijay has dropped out of your next project. We hear reports that you are very frustrated.

 

Answer: That is hilarious.

Question: Several magazines have reported that you’ve turned into a psycho who tortures people?

Answer: Sinister, loud laughter. Let them write what they want. Ha! Ha! Ha! [Link, subscription required]

We at SilverScreen don’t get the joke at all. However, we will state for the record that we are very disconcerted by his obsession with facial hair.

Continue reading ‘Humble Pie’

This is the most exciting thing we’ve read in a long time. Namitha, the plump, cushy, slightly rotund… ok, ok, ok. Let me start over again.

This is the most exciting thing we’ve read in a long time. Namitha, the fat girl who acts in Tamil cinema is now going to make a grand entry into Hollywood. All hundred kilograms of her.

A smart career move that we welcome wholeheartedly and will be covering nonstop on this blog.

The movie has been titled Maya and would be produced by Global One Studios and would be directed by Eric (Manning) with Ashok Kumar cranking the camera [Link]

Some jealous people have tried to play down this achievement of Namitha, claiming that the director has only directed a Hollywood short film before. Who cares? Just look at the pedigree of the rest of the crew.

Ashok Kumar, the cinematographer of the movie also directs movies. His filmography includes such classics like Kaama, Kaamagni and Khajuraho.

Continue reading ‘You Go Girl!’

You know what’s sad?

Couple of boys sitting in alternate seats at the Melody/Woodlands theaters, hoping for any pretty girl to fill the void in the seating arrangement…and their loveless lives.

In my defense, I was only 15 then.

You know what’s sadder?

An actor, who delivered his first hit when he was 17 (and then some) is now shooting two movies hoping some girl would fill the void in casting…that of heroine.

Though pujas for many of his movies kicked of this year, only two are being canned–Pulan Visaranai II and Petrol. The funny thing is for both the movies they have not finalized the heroines. Only his solo shots are being canned. {Link}

Andy Dufresne would be proud.

Both major Tamil weeklies this week open with a story that makes us deliriously happy. Apparently, Simbu – the man in the picture to the left – is reported to be high heels over head in love with our buxom mascot, Nayanthara. In real life, no less. And (knock on wood) the feeling is reported to be mutual, although she doesn’t wear high heels when he is around.

Now if only this were true, and the couple marry and she retires from movies like other buxom mascots, this blog will be closed for posts on the day of the wedding. Every single year till the divorce. And in an incredibly special gesture, Manoj has promised to replace the Ileana picture in his wallet with Simbu’s for a day. The studmuffin deserves it for his service to Tamil filmdom.

In his interview to Kumudam, Simbu all but acknowledges the rumors.

We are special friends. When I am around her, I feel something that I haven’t felt around other girls. She is certainly special.

Naturally, skeptic readers may think this is a just a publicity stunt to promote their upcoming movie. We at SilverScreen would like to reassure them that there is a lot of truth to the news. In fact, the two of them are so alike, it is a miracle they didn’t get together sooner. Consider this example.

Continue reading ‘A Tongue In Teeth Romance’

Since the days of Raj Kapoor, we’ve been exporting talent and beauty to Bollywood. Take a moment to consider this wall of fame.

Personally, I used to feel a sense of loss – a nagging thought that all these talented actors and actresses were somehow spirited away, seduced by the moolah and the opportunities to sing and dance in Gstaad.

Clearly, I was too hasty in thinking of all this as being an exodus. I know better now. It’s all part of a truly diabolical scheme – something larger, grander than I’d ever dared to imagine. Every dusky beauty we’ve let them have, every hunk with a sweet smile – Trojan horses, every single one of ‘em.

This is what they’re going to get, soon!

To listen to the newest Bollywood star perform in the Rashtrabhasha, click here.

In a blistering piece of burning-truth journalism, Sify declares that ‘Ileana is important’. Pfffft, say it along with me Karthik – We know!

And how important is she?

…there is tremendous pressure on her to do the Tamil remake of Pokiri opposite Tamil superstar Vijay. Link

Pressure, as in, shameless grovelling by producers wearing I heart Ileana T-shirts (made in Florida). The article also mentions that she might give other actresses a run for their money, or as Nayantara calls it, a much needed workout.

As election results are announced, the film industry in Madras is said to be all aflutter. Having gone all out to campaign for the losing side, they’re apparently nervous about what’s in store for them under the new regime. So this finger phenomenon apparently does not

mean, “Here, I’ll scratch your back and you can scratch mine.” We live and we learn.

In other news, our very own bete noire was urged to look sexier (wow – how come we never thought of this before? If you want someone to look sexy, all you have to is ask!)

After making the Japs swoon, we’re now making the Polish weep. [Link] Aren’t we a fortunate lot to experience the golden years of Indian cinema!

To call yourself a fan of Indian movies is far more demanding than eating the occasional vindaloo and samosa and calling yourself an Indian foodie.

Everyone knows how much store Indians set by their gurus. Digression: let that be lesson no.1. A typical Indian Guru has almost nothing to do with Marisa Tomei or Heather Graham. And ladies, the guru typically looks less like Jimi Mistry, and more like him. End digression. So, pay heed to the voice of experience:

Continue reading ‘So, you want to watch Indian movies, eh?’

Trisha, the ‘Numero Uno’ actress of south India, is celebrating her birthday today. She is shooting for Bheema and a Telugu film simultaneously in Hyderabad, where she has been holed up for the last 10 days.

… Jesi, a resident of Chennai and one of her crazy fans along with some other women activists celebrated her birthday in style by putting up huge banners at various vantage points in the city that read – “Happy Birthday Trisha – our dream angel” and had even conducted paal abhishekam ( poured milk on it) for her picture in front of Kamala theatre. [Link]

A SilverScreen reporter managed to get a few soundbytes out of one of the activists.

“Why milk?”

“We wanted to see if it would make her clothes transparent.”

“Well, did it?”

“It actually made her clothes pretty soggy, and tore her blouse off.”

“Great, what happened then?”

“We realized it wasn’t a big deal, and went off to burn banners of Perarasu. That was way more fun. Why don’t you write about it?”

“We sure will.”

Continue reading ‘Pouring Hot And Cold’

Images courtesy vikatan.com

What is life?

Since Deepak Chopra was too busy rewriting the Kama Sutra, someone decided to ask Vidya Balan instead. The Parineeta girl tells us,

I was originally slated to do Run in Tamil. After the first photosession, they replaced me with Meera Jasmine.

Then I was booked for a movie called Manasellam in Tamil. This time I lasted upto the first schedule before they called me not photogenic and replaced me with Trisha. They said this even though I was well known in modeling circles for my beauty.

Now, they are after me to star opposite Kamalhassan in his latest.

That is life. [Link, requires paid subscription]

Oh, thank you, you poor photogenic vixen. That’s philosophy even we get.

Meanwhile, our reporters tell us that Vidya was also originally slated to do Godfather in Tamil. But then, true to form, she was replaced by the person shown in this picture. I like Vidya, but I think that in this case the replacement is surely hotter than her.

From the weekly cinema features section in the DailyThanthi, here is an actual question and an actual answer.

Tweetie Bird, Tweetie Bird, my name is Rajkrishna and I would like to know how you would rank Nayanthara’s, umm.. ass?

I am the Tweetie Bird, and I would gladly give her umm.. ass 10 points more than her umm.. boobs. [Link]

The umms.. mean that euphemisms were used. Whatever. Maxim, you should go after other markets.

And to the gentleman that wants to know if the scoring was done right, here we go.

Halfway during an Engineering Drawing Exam, when we were trying to draw meaningless criss-crossed lines, our proctor announced that Kovai Sarala was in the building. We flung our answer papers in his face and sprinted out like rabid dogs. Ok, so that didn’t happen, but I’m sure we would have. Let’s just say we were, how do you call it, desperate? Not so at Coimbatore Agricultural University.

…scenes involving Surya and Bhumika were shot at Coimbatore at the library of the Agriculture University.
…students were not allowed by the film unit to enter the library to borrow books. Absolutely irritated that they were being hindered from entering their own library by outsiders, the students have protested vehemently.

And before you ask, I only wish I knew the answers to questions like “Would it have happened if it were Simran?”, “Would it have happened if it were Namitha?”, “What or Who is a library?”.

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