Stardonic

Tanushree Dutta - who is quite fine just the way she is if you ask me – seems to be interested in constantly refining herself in various directions.

For example in ‘Risk’ I am not deglam completely. I am still dressed well, I have my song and dance number but the performance level has become more refined. In ‘Bhagam Bhag’ there’s a lot of glamour element. There are loud costumes and all that. But again the genre is comedy so my performance level has been refined in a different direction. [Link]

A few more rounds of this, and she’ll be like premium refined, and you can pour her down the throat of your expensive car and drive it around your neighborhood real fast. On second thoughts, maybe not. The car might start making meaningless noises that you’ll find strangely alluring. Like so:

Glamour is something which I believe is an essential part of me which I can’t strip myself of. [Link]

Something tells me she has been dating John Abraham secretly. Or maybe Aftab Shivdasani. Whoever it is, it is definitely not me, and that makes me angry.

Pictures courtesy tanushreedutta.com

Mamta Mohandas must be traumatized. And hurting.

And you would be too, if you had to spend a good four hours squished between a hard handle on one side, and seventeen love handles on the other. Especially if the thing sporting the love handles had an evil grin and called itself Nayanthara. Eww, just the thought totally ruined my sleep tonight.

After the aircraft landed at Doha, the capital of Qatar, enroute to Hyderabad, Mamta joined and plunked herself next to Nayan in the Business Class.

After the flight took off from Doha, Mamta did not care to speak or acknowledge the presence of Nayantara sitting next to her… [Link]

So let me get this straight. A lady is stuck in a gigantic vise that is constantly squishing her, and you expect her to carry on a conversation with the vise? Wow, man, give her a break.

During the in-flight service, Mamta accidentally spilled water on Nayan and muttered “Sorry”, no other word was exchanged as both looked through each other… [Link]

Nice try Ms. Mohandas, but coffee usually works better.

Later to rub it in at the baggage clearance hall, Mamta went up to her and told that she did not recognize Nayan “without make-up”!… [Link]

Wow. I mean, attaboy sweetie. You just earned yourself a few fans for life.

Done with baring his soul, blathering Bollywood hunk John Abraham has moved on to baring his body. Drink it in while it lasts, because Mahesh Bhatt says it won’t last too long.

However, filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt, says, “By shedding clothes, these girls manage to cater to the popular demands of the commercial cinema. But after they have reached a certain point, these girls succumb to the old middle-class milieu…” [Link]

Oh wait, that was Bhatt talking about girls… but John is such a sensitive guy, so the quote partly applies to him.

Tired of looking at John Abraham’s hairless chest? Wait for Anurag Kashyap’s No Smoking. In the film you will get to see more than that, with John doing the Full Monty? derriere included. [Link]

For the average moviegoer, this isn’t such a big deal. Most of us are used to crying “What an ass!” when John appears on screen, so this’ll be just another day at the theaters for us.

Vidya Balan joins a long list of Indian celebrities who have had “look-alikes” bathing or undressing with a camcorder pointed at them. Even more interesting is the research finding of some Chennai-based investigative porno-journo who unearthed this fact.

Whether morphed or look alike, the MMS clip is doing rounds among the youngsters in Chennai. According to youngsters who regularly received such clips, they prefer MMS clips of actors and famous models. {Link}

Of course they do. Youngsters love to imagine that grainy image on their 150×150 phonescreen is their favorite actress dropping her skirt when the boyfriend yelled ‘Action’. And in this case, they knew for sure it was Vidya Balan when the model dropped her clothes and shrieked “Good Morniiiiiiiiing Chennai”.

Namita is being visited by her brother and his family at her home. During one of the family gatherings in her garden, Namita was playing with her niece.

A crow in the vicinity was stealing biscuits from the plate kept aside. In the process, the stealthy crow mistook Namita’s ultra slim cell phone to be a biscuit and grabbed it in a jiffy before taking off in the air. Namita, startled by this, chased the crow but could not recover her cell phone. [Link]

Now what gave Namita the right to carry an ultra-slim something? No wonder the crow was pissed. It was so pissed in fact, that when Namita called, it wouldn’t pick up the phone. Smart Crow.

I tried my number immediately after but the phone kept ringing, stated Namita in a melancholic voice that is unlike of her. [Link]

In a totally unrelated development, our Bollywood reporter tells us that Ajay Devgan was in Mumbai – not Chennai – when this incident happened. He does not say if Mr. Devgan can fly.

John Abraham, Bollywood Hunk, has the hots for a costar: Hema Malini in this case. Which is not an unusual thing for the man, but what is admirable is the way he intertwines a message of racial tolerance in his confession.

“During Baabul if I had shot one more day with her I’d have fallen in love with her. She’s really, really pretty,” confesses John.

“Hema Malini is either black or white. [Link]

Yeah, it has to be one of those pal. Why don’t you look closer, huh? She might even turn out to be brown.

As for Amitabh Bachchan, John has piles of compliments to heap on his professionalism.

“Forget about his work ethics. More importantly, he’s a nice man. [Link]

That is some compliment that. Definitely a pile of something heaped on something else.

John chortles. “People think my choices are crazy. They wonder if I’ve lost my marbles risking my life in Baabul . Well, all I’ve to say is, I prefer riding bikes instead of cars.” [Link]

That clears up everything for me. I don’t need to hear anything more from the man – I feel like I know him so well. He rides bikes, so naturally, he’ll be a rich dummy who puts his foot into his large mouth at obtuse angles. Now if you have any doubts still, here is one more quote that might help you understand John, the person.

Actually, there’re two kinds of preparations. One is the big-spectacle preparation where one prepares for the action and dance scenes like Dhoom or Cash . The other kind of preparation is my kind “[Link]

Thanks Johnny. Now get on your bike and ride home to momma, will ya? We’ve had enough for one day.

Madhavan says:

“Very rarely do offbeat movies become box-office hits. Audience should welcome such movies for the betterment of the industry,” {Link}

Stardonic says:

Paarthale Paravasam

Madhavan says:

Movies with offbeat themes have become a rarity. Audience should welcome such attempts. {Link}

Stardonic says:

Priyasakhi

Madhavan says:

It is my desire to be part of movies which have different story line and an honest attempt to take films to a higher level. {Link}

Stardonic says:

Dil Vil Pyar Vyar, Jay Jay, Aethirree, Thambi….

I am sure there is some type of profound message in here, but I can’t decipher it for the life of me. I usually just say damn in such situations. Damn.

Actually, I think she is three people. The third people is rather hot.

And I don’t blame him at all.

If I got into work one morning to be greeted by a gun-toting, bearded Yeti on a stationary motorcycle, I would be shocked too. I’ll then fetch Mr. Yeti a comb, but that’s besides the point.

Well, a closer read seems to reveal that Prakash Raj was actually shocked with real electricity on the sets of his new movie, Lee.

Actor Prakash Raj had a close shave while shooting for Lee in Chennai on Wednesday.

A stunt sequence was shot, during which the actor sustained electric shock. He immediately raised alarm.

Sensing trouble, director Prabhu Solomon immediately switched off the generator. Prakash Raj was rushed to a hospital nearby. [Link]

Prakash Raj will never be my hero. Letting mere electricity thwart you… shame on you, old man. Here, take this.

(Video through youtube user aravind82)

When Ram Gopal Varma announced his intention to remake Sholay, sceptics expected nothing more than a poorly executed rehash of the original with bad actors. Not me though – I always knew Ramu was better than that, and Shiva 2006 did nothing to dispel my faith.

Today I have been vindicated.

Ramu has made drastic changes to his Sholay that will take the movie “into another territory.” Wait, now it is “into another orbit.” Here’s a sampler of what’s in store for you guys.

Radha , the widow wears black instead of white.
Basanti rides an auto -rickhaw instead of a tonga.
Samba (Sushant Singh) is Gabbar’s right-hand man and confidante and not a side-kick.[Link]

I told ya, right? Basanti in an auto-rickshaw. Isn’t he something, our Ramu? I just hope he doesn’t go overboard and change the title font or something. Now that might make the movie completely unrecognizable.

PS: I hate to second guess you Ramu saab, but are you sure about the black saree? I mean, will it have the same effect under a waterfall as the original white? Oh wait, that was Ram Teri Ganga Maili. But still, something to think about…

What? Oh just Google for Mandakini, will you? We can’t give them to you everytime.

Devdas. Umrao Jaan. Choker Bali. Have you ever wondered how Aishwarya Rai has an uncanny knack of picking the worst movies ever to star in? Well, now the cat is out of the bag, and the blame lies squarely on the media:

“I’ve often been told that I belong to another era. And my selection of films reflects that old-world reality,” Aishwarya told IANS. [Link]

Whoa, hold it right there girl. All those reviews you read that said you were stone faced – they actually meant you can’t act for nuts, not that you were from the stone age or other such eras.

Although I have to admit – I am pleasantly surprised you can actually read reviews. Comprehension will follow soon enough.

Chetan Hansraj is the little kid from the Nycil ad who wanted his back scratched.

This Nycil ad I did is memorable because I think it has high recall value. Also, not many people know or believe that the kid in the ad is me… [Link]

The kid has now grown into a man that says:

“Of course men are big on bitching, but it’s harmless and more of a time pass. It is very common in our acting and modelling fraternity. But women take it on to a serious level. Personally, I would bitch among friends about other friends or co-actors. [Link]

Ankita is the cute young girl from the “I love you Rasna” ads. Now, Ankita has … just grown.

Aren’t you glad your mom hid you behind her saree when modeling coordinator uncle visited your house?

But like all publications are quick to point out, she got married to Boman Irani – the real estate developer, not the middle-aged character actor who most recently played a middle-aged cop in Don. Strangely enough, Boman Senior has an equally funky-named wife.

‘No, not the actor but the real-estate developer… You know when my Boman met the actor Boman’s wife, Zenobia, he told her maybe they should whip up something together. (Link)

Well played, Boman Junior. Reminds me of the time I tried to get Manoj interested in Aishwarya Rai, and a potential whipping session thereafter. But the snob insisted on wrapping up ‘The Sixth Sense’ first. Damn you Shyamalan!

So here’s hoping the wedding was fun. And by fun, we mean, hope everyone who attended made an increasingly bad version of a ‘Oh, it’s not you, Boman?’ joke to an increasingly frustrated Boman Sr. while winking at Xenophobia. Sorry, I mean Periculous Zoroastrian. Oh, whatever!

M.F. Hussain, the scary looking old painter man, is pretty predictable. He watches bad movies – really bad – and then announces that the actress that starred in the movie is his muse.

He’ll then paint the actress (on canvas) and try to sell the paintings to suckers. The money from the proceeds he’ll use to make a movie that is several orders of magnitude worse than the original. Gajagamini. No wonder then that Hussain prefers Sooraj Bharjatya movies.

A new Bharjatya movie – Vivah – that deals with “the journey from engagement to marriage” is out, and Hussain has announced that Amrita Rao has entered his canvas,whatever that means.

With his quick-on-the-draw paint brush, Husain plans to start a series of paintings inspired by Vivah and his brand-new muse Amrita Rao; “She has entered my canvas. I will construct an entire exhibition around her,” he promises. [Link]

I know you want to call him pathetic, but reserve that word, please. Use senile instead and read on.

“And of course, I will invite Amrita to be there, Shahid Latif too.”

Shahid Latif who? Does he mean Shahid Kapur? “Yes, yes… Shahid Kapur, he was good also,” he ends. [Link]

Shahid Latif, Shahid Kapur. Male names. Who cares? Well, Shahid does. He says,

Really? It’s an honour that Mr Husain has appreciated our hard work. He’s undoubtedly, the finest artiste of India. Through your paper, I would like to convey my gratitude to him. He wants to meet us .. just tell us when and where. [Link]

Honor indeed, Mr. Latif. And folks, time to unreserve pathetic now.

Reality shows are so, what’s the word – real. In fact, they are so much more real than actual life, we feel we need a new word for reality as depicted in a reality show. S*ardonic favors realityness*.

If you thought you knew life, read on to know better:

On camera massages can go too far!

Carol Gracias and Rupali Ganguly were constantly massaging Ravi Kishan’s legs and head. Even I massaged Anupama because she has a back problem. But I restricted the massage to the knees because I was well aware that the television cameras were constantly watching us. [Link]

Men can be so b*&$^#y

When I was brushing my hair Ravi came up to me and said… how grateful he was that I motivated him into losing five kgs…and then he voted me out! [Link]

Men can be so b*&$^#y Contd.

The guys all pretended to be friends with me. But…they all voted me out of the house. Can you imagine! [Link]

To tell time, you need a watch (or a clock)

In that house, there is no television, no music, no sense of time. Every day was like a year. [Link]

Self-actualization via realityness

I was a tomboy before Bigg Boss. Now, I am a woman. [Link]

My weeks inside that house have changed my attitude to life. Now I value what I have, I appreciate my friends and family. [Link]

*Truthiness was taken

Stardonic’s favorite news source carries a startling headline today, followed by a picture of some dude trying to suck all the collagen out of Nayantara’s lips.

Nayantara Hiding Behind Aishwarya Rai… [Link]

Now, call me a moron, but how in the world is that possible? I mean you could put Nayantara’s pinkie behind Aishwarya and half of it would show through. And the half that gets hidden does so only because Aishwarya is so damn dense.

Unless… unless… I wonder if Ileana was in the same room making out with Aishwarya. And then… wow. Damn, now I gotta go. Bye.

…says Sunny Deol.

I’m not good at interviews. I’m uncomfortable in print also. When you sit down to express yourself you end up saying things that you may not mean the way it sounds. But it’s too late. You end up sounding like an idiot. {Link}

Good ol’ self-deprecating Sunny. Surely you can’t be that bad. Wait, what’s that about art cinema?

I get really irritated by distinctions like art and commercial cinema. What’s art cinema? Cinema that only a handful like? But if I like commercial films, they are art for me. These coinages are corny. {Link}

Hmmm, go on…

My creative thoughts are simmering. I often find it difficult to listen to other people’s ideas. That’s why I need to exercise creative control over my films. I’ve collected so much knowledge on cinema over the years. From now on I’ll be involved in every creative aspect of a film. {Link}

Alright, that’s enough. You were right, we were wrong. God! we were wrong. But you got one thing going for you, Sunny baba. You are NOT a liar. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Aftab Shivdasani, whoever that is, has a confession to make:

… Anything simple and natural in a woman can put me on. In fact, I find navel rings very romantic. Lots of women are getting it on these days…” [Link]

I am sure there’s nothing more natural than a navel ring right? I mean, aren’t most babies born with them these days? Although with all due respect to you young man, women were always getting it on. Trust me, I know.

Ever wonder why Aftab is not very successful in movies?

“You know I think I have a problem with the way I look. I don’t look as old as I really am. I am 28 but I look like someone in his 20s and that is going against me.” [Link]

Aftab, honey, sorry to break your bubble, but 28 olds are actually in their twenties.  Unbelievable, I know, but true. And no, women are not born with navel rings. But Santa does exist, so not all you believe in is false.

Swarnamalya, former host of Sun TV’s Ilamai Pudhumai (translates to ‘Chennai’s Lamest Teenagers’) was in town releasing some DVD.

Swarnmalya, who has acted in many films including the forthcoming Mozhi, recently launched a DVD of her dances. {Link}

Like always, actor Prashant added a megaton of star-power to the event by holding the DVD gingerly between his hands and posing for, what we are guessing was, the only photographer there (nice job, Swarnamalya’s Mom).

We’d also like to guess again and say Prashant surely thought he was releasing a DVD of a different kind – a high-definition version of the scandalous MMS clip allegedly featuring Swarnamalya. We can only imagine his frustration as he kept skipping chapters and seeking out Easter Eggs on the DVD. After which he probably checked his answering machine and heard producer AM Ratnam returning his call to shoot down an idea for a Moondru Mugam remake. Sad & depressed, he probably walked over to the gun drawer, caught a glimpse of Swarnamalya dancing on the TV screen and realized his life was not that bad after all.

So yeah, basically, the DVD is a must-buy. Oh wait, that was the Padma Subramaniam DVD.

Priyanka Chopra in this interview brazenly claims that she’d rather take dance classes than act in mediocre movies. Yeah, sure.

A former Miss World, Chopra said the movie scripts she had seen recently did not grab her attention. “Better hone my skills than do bad films,” she said. “I don’t want to rush into anything.”

Indian actors usually juggle between four to six movies a year, but Chopra said that’s not her style.

“I’d much rather work on myself. I want to do Latin, contemporary, salsa, jazz, whatever,” she told the Mumbai Mirror. [ Link]

Oh yeah? Liar!

If you really cared about good movies and liked to dance, what would you have done when someone approached you with the script for Krrish? You would’ve laughed heartily, kicked the guy in his shins, snatched the script from his fat hands, thrown the papers down on the floor and danced on them till your sweat flowed onto the ink and erased it. And then spat on the words that were still showing through to obliterate any trace of them. And then force him to watch Black (or Yes Boss) several times over to ensure that he would spend the rest of his life in an asylum without access to pens. And then we’d have believed you.

Oh anyways, here are the pictures. We know why you are here.