Stardonic

PUKE ALERT: HIGH, REALLY HIGH

Emraan Hashmi, Bollywood’s Serial Kisser, has stunned the industry by announcing that he has given up kissing. He stood by this new resolution even in the face of considerable temptation. See Exhibit A. We understand that Exhibit A was as stunned as we are to hear the news.

“Nisha rolled over and waited and waited for the kiss… but it didn’t happen! She looked stunned and couldn’t figure out what happened.” [Link]

Exhibit A: Nisha Kothari in a daze after Emran Hashmi didn’t kiss her.

As wonderful as this news is, Silver Screen advises its readers not to bring out the champagne just yet. After all, kissing is just for amateurs. And Hashmi is the consummate professional. This is what he says he will do, if people ask him explicitly enough that is.

When asked if he would refuse if directors ask him to kiss, he replied: “If they ask me to run naked, I have to! I have to be clear about what they want.” [Link]

Exhibit B: Ex-serial kisser, soon-to-be-stripper says chee-chee to kissing

Madhu is a new Tamil movie starring Priya Mani and Ramesh, an up and coming star who is the son of a really rich producer. Reviews have described the movie as “leaving the audience feel desensitized and dehydrated,” but it is quite educational in our opinion. We’ve always struggled to explain the concept of a “punch dialog” to our wide international audience, but Madhu comes to our rescue with this scene, entirely in English.

Girl teases a boy. Boy responds by approaching the girl, and kissing her in public while the camera looks elsewhere. After the kiss, boy speaks.

Video hosted at Youtube…

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She says her mobile phone is bombarded with SMS messages and you could guess what kind of messages they would be. Passes at her, proposals for dates and dinners or plain romantic mush.

Even someone with half-a-brain would start guessing – The Rai woman? Our poster-girl Ileana? Kaavya Vishwanathan complaining about “unknown calls” from Chennai? Or Celina Jaitley, who recently renounced mobile communications?

I (Celina) don’t like to use my cell phone when I’m at work; I think it’s very disturbing. In fact, I don’t even carry my phone on my shoots. [Link]

Wrong. Why would anyone ever make a pass at Ileana? And have you seen Aishwarya lately? And Celina…prancing about in her mini skirts & skimpy bikinis. *puke*

No, this is closer to home (if you live in Kodambakkam). This is what sultry seductress Gopika has to go through everyday. That’s right, I said Gopika. And the messages do not just originate from the phones of adolescent boys captivated by this Mallu chechi.

She also says,”there are several actors who have sent me such messages, but I won’t tell their names as my career is at stake. [Link]

Gopika and her bindi in another trend-setting outfit

I admit it, my first thought was – what career? But I guess I’m also curious about what actor. I mean seriously dude – If you’re going to be a pathetic sleaze, at least raise your bar. Contact us and we’ll let you have Trisha’s number for a bit part in your next movie. Oh! you thought only you could be pathetic?

……….

Speaking of cellphones, someone sent Ex-MP and Why-Actor, Sarath Kumar an obscene SMS. Link

Sir, the person who sent the message would like to clarify that Sperm* is actually SMS speak for ‘Supreme Star’.

The Hindustan Times Tabloid – our reliable news source of the day – reports that police are trying to determine if a recent accident in New Delhi could’ve been a suicide in disguise. At least, that’s what we think the report says… it is mostly a series of commas punctuated by the occasional word.

The recent Honda burning case, in the capital, has left everyone in a state of tizzy. Mystery shrouds as to whether it was God, who fulfilled the desire of lovebirds to end their lives together, whose charred bodies were found inside a totally burnt Honda City car few backs. [Link]

But here is what interests us the most. Apparently, the last thing the couple did was watch Fanaa.

The suicide note dated May 24 further revealed their plan to go and see the much-hyped movie Fanaa on Sunday (May 28) and further states that it is only God who knows what would happen next. [Link]

We shudder to think what they would’ve done if they’d watched Garam Masala instead. (And thank you so much for not mentioning Neal ‘N’ Nikki in our presence.)

Technorati: Bollywood, Fanaa

Del.icio.us: Bollywood, Fanaa

We hear that the pride and joy of Tamil cinema is about to do a French movie! [Link]

Just think of the infinite ways French society is about to benefit – for starters, what they’re about to learn in terms of Fashion alone is surely worth his weight in conflict diamonds! No more boring pin stripes, and white shirts. If you have any hopes of making it in the fashion business repeat this to yourself at least 50 times a day, “Orange is the new black!” and let’s not forget that there’s so much you can do with hair.

And ladies, when you accompany a well-dressed man of the world, please get a grip on yourself! Monochrome is so last year – this year, it’s Multichrome, baby! And if you can throw on a wig, we promise you’ll be throwing telephones in no time at all. [Link]

Arya, newest hunk to grace Tamil Filmdom, talks to Kumudam.

Eight memorable incidents from your life…

5. Getting caught cheating in high school.

Name nine women you’d love to date?

2. Kaavya Viswanathan.

What a well read hunk! And what a great pair these two would make… Obviously, they will never cheat on each other, and (equally obviously) they’ll produce some very ethical kids.

Talk about matches made in heaven…

Pooja, who is Arya?s heroine in his next movie. If you want Arya pictures, look for them yourself.

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GreatAndhra.com is quite possibly our favorite news source. While several publications have published pictures of a blonde Rajinikanth and a blonder Shriya romping around in Spain, only GreatAndhra bothered to let us know just how aroused the “artistic settings” at the shooting spot were.

The huge erections of artistic settings, gigantic cranes, troupes of dancers from Britain were circled in the surroundings of the shooting spot turning the heads of all the people living nearby. [Link]

Who can resist a good peek at a horny prop? Is it any wonder then that Shriya started to respond?

Shriya accompanied him with her new gesticulations. [Link]

Nice.

Related post: Silver is Speechless

Poor Koena Mitra. People keep dissing her for going under the knife, but little do they realize that it was her troubled childhood that forced her into it.

… when she was growing up she was totally tomboyish. In fact, for her first day at school, she was dressed up as a boy by her father. Her father loved to dress her up as a boy. Sneakers, T-Shirts and shorts were part of her daily wear as well as short hair.

That was until disaster (in a miniscule sense) struck. One typical day at school, Koena wanted to go to the loo and the school bai took her there. Only thing was that the bai was so convinced that Koena was a boy that she took her to the boy’s toilet. No matter how much Koena cried at the top of her lungs claiming to be a girl, the bai refused to listen. [Link]

Such trauma. Tch. Tch. (And Mr. Reporter – Calling this miniscule betrays an appaling lack of sympathy…) At the very instant, Koena decided that she had to appear more feminine.

Koena was so embarrassed, that she immediately went home and asked her mother to make her look like a girl. So her mother put on clip earrings, plastic bangles and a very pretty dress. [Link]

We presume she was only partly happy with the results, so when she grew up, she went to a doctor and asked him to make her look a bit more – ahem – feminine. Fair enough, right? (Link Link) As a man, I only know too well how traumatic it is to enter a women’s restroom. After the experience, my hands promptly went under the teacher’s cane. Teacher’s Cane. Doctor’s knife. Same difference.

And so, on behalf of all men, I would like to apologize to Koena and let her know that we all understand totally.

Koena Mitra, who only only hangs out with very “feminine” stars these days…

Related posts: Speech is Silver: The Contradicting Oneself Edition, Metamorphosis

Gopi posing for the birds in his backyard

Suresh Gopi has done so many cop roles that he probably walks around wearing crunchy-shiny boots and saluting surprised DSP’s. Maybe even offers to look over F.I.R reports for the local circle inspector. Maybe.

Or maybe he is not all that deluded and like a normal star, prefers to have affairs with co-stars half his age & weight.

You are said to have an roaring affair with the young actress Mamta Mohandas?

These stories are a figment of imagination of some vested interest who are all out to spoil the reputation of an upcoming actress. I have nothing more to say about this. Link

Mamta ‘the only Mallu girl we like’ Mohandas

Funny. So I guess his reputation is still intact or maybe even improved. And why?

The lip-to-lip kissing scene in Lanka (with the ‘upcoming actress’) was criticized by purists in Kerala. Your comments?

Lanka failed as the story did not reach out to the people in the correct manner. If that was possible, the same audience would have accepted not only this 3 minute kissing scene but a 10 minutes one (smiles). Link

He failed to add that correct manner was Malayalam movie jargon for ‘so high on ganja that audiences think they are making out with Mamta Mohandas’. But since the story was incorrectly mannered, so to speak, the same audience throw up a little every time they see a Suresh Gopi poster. Right after they salute it.

We hear a woman has soured a close friendship between the two reigning Princes of Sleaze – SJ Suryah and the Chimp. These two were close friends till one of them started going out with our very own bete noire Nayantara. The lady, apparently, does not approve of SJS. [Link]

As difficult as it is for us to agree with her on any matter, we are forced to concede our reluctant admiration. We applaud her valiant attempts to wean her man off at least one of his undesirable habits. We at Silver Screen are no fans of SJS. But we can squeeze an ounce or two of outrage at the shabby treatment he’s receiving from a man he sacrificed working with Vijay for!

Silver Screen proposes a way to untie this Gordian knot. A duel – preferably to the death. Let SJS and Nayantara fight it out for the man they both so desire. And if either of them goes down (and we pray that at least one does), the only decent thing left for the Chimp to do is quit the movie business.

If Tamil movie fans can be spared even one of these individuals, all the blood, sweat and toil that goes into this blog will have been paid off three times over.

Remember Vijaykumar’s son Arun Kumar? You know, the guy who played second fiddle to Bharath in Azhagai Irukkai Bayamai Irukkiradhu? No? The guy dressed in white who played second fiddle to Shaam in Iyarkkai? Great! Now you don’t remember who Shaam is?!

Anyway, this is what he had to say.

Arun Kumar says, “I am very choosy. If I had accepted all the offers that came my way, I would have been no where. Let’s hope my forthcoming movie brings me more fortunes”.

I know what he means. This is like when I told my friend – If I had won the lottery last year, I would have been a pathetic rich guy. Or when I told my father – If I had invented the cure to cancer, I would have had to drag him to the Nobel Prize ceremony. Or when I tell myself in the mirror – If I had a completely different face, six-pack abs and a thick mane of hair, I would have been a disgusting Casanova.

You know how these models keep slipping out of their clothes and get away by blaming their designers? I am sure you do, dear readers, especially because you spent several hours searching for the term wardrobe malfunction on Google. (Hint: Search elsewhere). SilverScreen strongly condemns such malfunctions – it is our long held belief that the strength of the moral fabric of a society is inversely proportional to the strength of the fabric on catwalk models.

When it happened at the Lakme Fashion Week last month, the Maharashtra Government reacted rather admirably.

Maharashtra’s deputy chief minister R R Patil has ordered Mumbai police commissioner A N Roy to check the video clippings of Lakme Fashion Week, to verify if the wardrobe malfunctions that occurred on the ramp were genuine or ‘deliberate, indecent acts’.

On March 29 when Carol Gracias was walking the ramp for Bennu Sehgall’s collection, her halter top slipped off. A day later the skirt Gauhar Khan donned for the Lascelles Symons’s show split open. [Link]

But a month has passed now, and we are not sure what came out of the review. We are also not sure if Mr. A.N. Roy has come out of the sound-proof room he went into to watch the tapes in peace. Very disappointing for those of us who expected some quick action.

However, there is some good news now. Apparently, the Upper House of the Indian Parliament has spent a considerable amount of time debating the issue last week, and they’ve proposed a law making underwear compulsory for catwalk models. Thank God there are at least a few sane people left in this nation… we request all of you to write to your respective MPs to show your support for the law.

A proposal was mooted for undergarments being made mandatory for models on the catwalk and anguish expressed about clothes designed for such shows becoming shorter and tighter. [Link, through India Uncut.]

Even Rakhi Sawant agrees with us. We think.

“But undergarments are a necessity. However, on the ramp one should not interfere with the design of a dress and the episodes referred to were accidents.” She is quick to add,”But if the government feels, it should go ahead with it. [Link]

Eh, Rakhi… undergarments are a necessity, but we also strongly recommend some outergarments. In the most sensible part of the report, Amanpreet Wahi, catwalk model, brings up the question of enforcement.

An amused Amanpreet Wahi, model, simply cannot stop laughing.”If I was not wearing any, will they come to check? Who can tell me when to wear what?” [Link]

The writers at SilverScreen would like to let lawmakers know that in the interest of sewing together India’s torn moral fabric, they are willing to volunteer for the unpleasant job of checking models for proper attire before every catwalk. We’ll even do it for free – that’s how selfless we are.

Related post: To show or not to show

Chokher Bali, the Rituparno Ghosh “passion play” is an adaptation of an acclaimed Rabindranath Tagore novel for the big screen. When the movie was released, the critics raved about it, as they are wont to when the director’s previous movies have an arty feel to them, and rather surprisingly for an Aishwarya Rai starrer, it even made a little bit of money at the box office.

No deviation from the script, so far.

Buoyed by his success, Rituparno wanted to cash in some more, and so he decided to to dub his movie into Tamil. He brings in a bunch of Tamil distributors to watch the movie and they see right through the the movie: The whole “Tagore-Adultery-Period Piece” routine was just a wrapper to obfuscate the focal point of the movie: a ten second scene of Ms. Rai showing her bare back to the audience. Told you these guys are sharp…

So yes, the movie will be dubbed into Tamil and it will be titled “Aishwarya Rai is a Very Beautiful Woman.” [Aishwarya Rai Oru Perazhagi, Source, in Tamil.].

She plays the role of a young widow who is unable to control her biological inclinations and has an adulterous relationship with her friend’s husband. In this controversial subject, Aishwarya Rai has acted without a drape on top. [Link]

And this report in Tamil, telling us exactly why the movie should be watched.

Aishwarya does not wear a blouse through the entire movie, and she is always clad in a white saree. She has “poured” her beautiful body into the movie. In one scene, she wears nothing on top – dancing her way into the “chests” of readers. The censor board was “stunned” when they watched the movie, because all the “glamor scenes” appear “crystal clear.”

What movie were they watching, I wonder. But then again, we have to admit: this is no deviation from the script either.

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Aishwarya Rai Bollywood Cinema Hindi Kollywood Tamil

Aishwarya Rai Bollywood Cinema Hindi Kollywood Tamil

We are updating older posts to conform to the new stylesheet that we have started using now. We apologize if posts show up multiple times on your feedreader.

Done now.

This is a fair and balanced blog. Now we’ll be the first to admit that we aren’t big fans of Ram Gopal Varma, but when the man does something good, we’ll be the first to hand him his due.. in this case, he deserves a slurpy wet kiss (on the cheek, please) for his candor.

In a brave move, Varma has acknowledged in public what we’ve suspected for a long, long time. He can’t really make horror movies.

… the outspoken director referred to SRK’s best friend, Karan Johar’s Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, as a “horror film“. [Link]

“When I called K3G a horror film, I was actually paying Karan a backhanded compliment. I’m not capable of making a film like that. [Link]

Gee, it comes about two hundred movies too late, this realization of his, but we’ll take what we get.

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Ram Gopal Varma Bollywood Cinema Desi Hindi Speech is Silver

Ram Gopal Varma Bollywood Cinema Desi Hindi Speech is Silver

Koena Mitra, on plastic surgeries…

“It’s a very private thing for any woman to talk about,” says Mitra, the sexy Saki Saki girl from Musafir. “I think plastic surgery is like medicine you take when you fall down. If you realise there’s something missing in you, you go in for it.”… [Link, Indian Express]

Koena Mitra, on plastic surgeries…

“I take it as a compliment if people think I have gone under the knife to look good, when actually, it’s “natural”. People don’t use their brains before asking such ridiculous questions — I am not at an age where I need a facelift. [Link, Midday]

Meanwhile, reports say that Koena has sent a legal notice to MidDay, but not the Indian Express (or SilverScreen). Hmm..

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Bollywood Cinema India Hindi Movies koena mitra

Bollywood Cinema India Hindi Movies koena mitra

Ladies and Gentlemen, as part of our continuing series on hot South Indian heroes, we present this to you.

We are struck by the urge to say snarky things, but we are hurting from all the all the open jawed gawking we did: A feeble damn is all we can manage.

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Ajithkumar Cinema India Kollywood Movies Tamil

Ajithkumar Cinema India Kollywood Movies Tamil

One evening, as Sangeeth Sivan was recovering from a stupor induced by bad music, he discovered that his heroine had been changed into a slightly less monstrous creature. He sat on his chair back and saw, as he lifted his head up a little, her puffy, swollen face, unmistakably altered. Her two legs, pitifully thin in comparison to her bust, flickered helplessly before his eyes. [Franz, meet Bollywood.]

“It happened during the music launch of Ghai’s Shaadi Se Pehle. Yes, I did ask Koena what she had done to her face. She was looking very different from when I had seen her last, during the first schedule.”

“Koena told me that there was some problem with her teeth. She had had a tooth removed, and hence her face looked swollen.” Sivan said that Koena did not tell him that she had undergone any enhancement procedure. “But I have heard that Koena has had a facelift. People have been talking about it on the sets,” reveals the director. [Link]

Naturally enough, much strife followed the metamorphosis. On the sets of Sivan’s Money, Money, Money, Koena and Riya Sen got into a “cold war” with both of them accusing each other of getting facelifts.Unit hands say it wasn’t a pretty sight.

We are still trying to find out if the war got physical; and if so, if there was any ripping of clothes, and if so, if there was a cameraman nearby. We’ll let you know as soon as we find out.

Continue reading ‘Metamorphosis’

Well, practice certainly makes perfect. Manish Malhotra, fashion designer extraordinaire, spent long years designing clothes for two-bit Bollywood stars. And at the end of this excruciating penance, voila, we geeve you ze moment of truth [Link]

Courtesy: http://thatstamil.oneindia.in/specials/cinema/heroes/rajini19.html

That hot blonde you see… that is Rajinikanth, in Spain shooting for his latest movie. Wow. Like I said, we are struck speechless. Can I say it one more time, please? WOW.

Rajinikanth Cinema India Kollywood Movies Tamil

Rajinikanth Cinema India Kollywood Movies Tamil