Stardonic

One time in college, I had to endure a crash course in Tamil Cussin-guistics from a classmate, after I had just popped his head with a water-filled plastic bag. Not too pleasant an experience. I never knew my great-uncle’s niece, farm animals & construction equipment could be used in the same sentence with such biting effect.

Not Dino Morea, but close

But those were mere words that healed over time. I fear a worse fate for Dino Morea.

Actor Dino Morea admits to playing pranks on Celina Jaitley – his co-star in “Tom Dick & Harry” – like pouring vodka into her coffee and tying her down to a chair! “Another time Celina was wearing this elaborate dress with lots of frills. I tied her dress to the chair. When she got up, the chair came with her,” he added. Link

Continue reading ‘Dino has bum chums’

India is miffed, and rightfully so.

So these two hot chicks travel all the way to France on Indian passports. With tickets purchased using Indian money made from acting in Indian movies shot mostly in Switzerland. See how much India has done for them already?

And what do these ungrateful bimbos do the moment they land in France? They toss away their beautiful Indian clothes and change into clothes designed by white people. Oh the travesty of it! The sheer blasphemy.

On the other hand, Bollywood has become a symbol of India, celebrated on international catwalks and even at the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne. Therefore, what Aishwarya Rai and Preity Zinta wear is of great significance.Within our limits, in a world ruled by pulchritude, there is much to consider. One might say that the Rais and Zintas of this world have a right to dress how they want to and should not be subject to any nationalistic pressure.

But others say that as long as they present themselves as Indian actresses, they must bear the Indian part in mind, especially overseas. [Link]

And here’s Shobhaa De, understated as always, calling it a disaster.

[...] Shobhaa De said, “It is disaster, disaster, disaster. When India is the international flavour, why are our girls dressing like Marys off to church? Even if it is fusion wear, they should be showcasing our brilliant crafts.

Instead, they are looking like Hispanic nobodies- Penelope Cruz’s handmaidens, Salma Hayek’s dressers. Bollywood actresses should wear India with pride. [Link]

Very sad indeed. SilverScreen recommends that the Gujarat Government consider banning all movies featuring these two ungrateful young starlets. It is high time someone taught them a lesson.

Continue reading ‘Ingrates!’

Bollywood’s making a sequel to Hera Pheri [Link]. We understand that this is going to be a funny movie. The leading lady takes great effort to reassure us that it’s a funny movie.

Basu says: “It definitely is really funny. Even the songs in the film have comic timing. I am doing an item number with Akshay which is also very funny.”

“I have seen the first film ‘Hera Pheri’. And it is really funny. [Link]

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

PS: A funny item number, forgive me, a very funny item number…Now there’s a first! Perhaps there’s a reason to watch this movie, after all, eh?

Chingaari (The Spark), the Kalpana Lajmi movie that has Sushmita Sen playing a callgirl, is now playing to “packed houses” in Tamil. The dubbed movie is titled Sivappu Vilakku Singari.^[1] Heh. [Link, in Tamil]

These guys don’t beat around the bush, do they? Dunno if you see it, but Singari even rhymes with Chingaari. Such genius.

PS: And please, don’t ask for Sushmita pictures with this post. This is not about that.

PPS: In an interesting sidenote, Chingaari was originally titled A Prostitute and A Postman. Hah! (Ok, I was being presumptuous when I said interesting sidenote.)

[1] : A loose translation would be Red Light Rachel, but that doesn’t even begin to capture the sheer magic of the Tamil title.

Related Posts: Lost In Translation

Actresses Tamil Cinema Movies Hindi Bollywood Sushmita Sen

Actresses Tamil Cinema Movies Hindi Bollywood Sushmita Sen

So, Hollywood makes the occasional decent movie. And folks in India want to “Indianize” them. Fine, we say. If we have to watch a rehash of an OK English movie, it’s a safer bet than a rehash of an OK Indian movie. [Link]

But surely, there must be some standards! For every Surya playing Guy Pierce, we get saddled with some casting director’s pathetic attempt to pass off Nayanthara as Carrie Ann Moss.

Now, we learn that Karan is apparently playing a role originally played by Patrick Dempsey [Link].

Just because lots of Tamil men like rotund stars doesn’t mean that Tamil women must, too! Can desi Hollywood fans please get someone to pass a Minimum Sexiness Standard? We submit exhibits 1A through 1D as the people’s evidence.

Ajay Devgan, foot firmly in mouth, on his upcoming film Omkara which is supposedly based on Shakespeare’s Othello.

Devgan, who admitted he had not read Othello before shooting began, said the Hindi film was, in some senses, “better”.

“We picked up the story line and it’s completely adapted by Vishal. The way he has adapted it I would want to say he has done a great job — for me it is better than the original, the way he has adapted it.” [Link]

Ajay Devgan, foot starting to tickle throat by now, continues…

“I am not letting Shakespeare down or anything of the sort but when you make a novel into a film, there has to be some changes according to our country — though the whole credit is to Shakespeare…” [Link]

Ajay Devgan, botched attempt at extrication of foot causing it to slide deeper down esophagus, has more wisdom to proffer.

“What I was trying to say (is) the original was not a film, when we talk of Shakespeare,” Devgan pointed out. [Link]

Not a film. Good Lord, who would’ve thought.

And here’s Viveik “characteristically eloquent” Oberoi, holding court on the same subject.

Continue reading ‘Speech Is Silver: Blaspheming the Bard Editon’

The Mid Day reports that Tanushree Dutta, former Miss Universe has done something totally out of character: A No Show.

At a recent award ceremony, a Diva act was on the schedule, starring Tanushree Dutta, Koena Mitra and Udita Goswami, and choreographed by Ganesh Hegde — but when Tanushree’s name was announced on stage, the actress didn’t turn up.

Frantic calls were made to locate Tanushree, but nobody could trace her. Finally, after Udita’s songs, Koena had to come out and do her medley.

Ganesh was very depressed. Half an hour after the show ended, somebody saw Tanushree wandering around. [Link]

Poor Tanushree. Cut her some slack will ya? It is not like she is a habitual no-shower. See this if you don’t believe me.

Continue reading ‘To show or not to show’

Speaking of temples, we recall that someone once built a temple (or two or three – who can keep count of the things Tamil fans will do for their rotund objects of desire) for an actress. When we heard that, we’d felt we’d seen it all. Clearly, the Tams have a heck of a lot to learn from the Surds (besides the correct way to make Dal Makhni and Tandoori Chicken). A fan from Jamshedpur has raised the stakes, all ye Kuhsboo, Rambha fans! While all you’ve ever done is built a temple or risk life and limb pouring down beverages from a great height, Pappu Sardar has altered time for Madhuri.

Pappu Sardar, the owner of a small eatery at Sakchi in Jamshedpur, has launched a calendar with the year beginning from the Madhuri’s date of birth 15th May.

[Sardar] has appealed to the government to declare it a holiday. He explained that his financial year will begin from May 15 and end on May 14 next year.[Link]

The members of SilverScreen wish to express our heartfelt gratitude to Priyadarshan. No – not for providing us with countless opportunities to make lemonade (well, he does keep throwing lemons in our face, and we’re of a an optimistic persuasion) – but for finally throwing something we heartily approve of! We hear he hit that most lovely of Bollywood starlets, yes – the one and only Shahid Kapur – on the jaw, with a cricket ball. We have long wanted to throw a number of things at this actor, and we’re very glad that someone finally did it. Now, if we can only arrange for a, ahem, friendly match with our other favorites (the Chimp, the Man-no-Woman-Will-Work-With, the Psycho, and other bete-noirs)…

Senor Justin Surya, the young man who made Kushi, then Kushi, and then Kushi again before moving on to starring in sleazy comedies (that sleaze hungry Tamil dudes lapped up like there was no tomorrow) believes in laughing his problems off.

Question: The last few movies you made have tanked. Vijay has dropped out of your next project. We hear reports that you are very frustrated.

 

Answer: That is hilarious.

Question: Several magazines have reported that you’ve turned into a psycho who tortures people?

Answer: Sinister, loud laughter. Let them write what they want. Ha! Ha! Ha! [Link, subscription required]

We at SilverScreen don’t get the joke at all. However, we will state for the record that we are very disconcerted by his obsession with facial hair.

Continue reading ‘Humble Pie’

A few months ago, Indian newspapers sounded so happy and proud to report that the Princess of Pop was spotted at a Hindu temple in California. Some went so far as to see it part of something bigger:

“an event that in isolation may be trivial enough, but as part of a canvass of occurrences that put the spotlight on Hinduism in the international arena, is representative.” [Link]

Wonder if they now feel heart-broken over what she says:

[Spears] told Newsweek that she’s “been into a lot of Indian spiritual religions,” although she ran into trouble when asked whether Hinduism was one of them. “What’s that?” she asked. “Is it like Kabbalah?” [Link]

Hollywood Actresses Britney

Hollywood Actresses Britney

This is the most exciting thing we’ve read in a long time. Namitha, the plump, cushy, slightly rotund… ok, ok, ok. Let me start over again.

This is the most exciting thing we’ve read in a long time. Namitha, the fat girl who acts in Tamil cinema is now going to make a grand entry into Hollywood. All hundred kilograms of her.

A smart career move that we welcome wholeheartedly and will be covering nonstop on this blog.

The movie has been titled Maya and would be produced by Global One Studios and would be directed by Eric (Manning) with Ashok Kumar cranking the camera [Link]

Some jealous people have tried to play down this achievement of Namitha, claiming that the director has only directed a Hollywood short film before. Who cares? Just look at the pedigree of the rest of the crew.

Ashok Kumar, the cinematographer of the movie also directs movies. His filmography includes such classics like Kaama, Kaamagni and Khajuraho.

Continue reading ‘You Go Girl!’

You know what’s sad?

Couple of boys sitting in alternate seats at the Melody/Woodlands theaters, hoping for any pretty girl to fill the void in the seating arrangement…and their loveless lives.

In my defense, I was only 15 then.

You know what’s sadder?

An actor, who delivered his first hit when he was 17 (and then some) is now shooting two movies hoping some girl would fill the void in casting…that of heroine.

Though pujas for many of his movies kicked of this year, only two are being canned–Pulan Visaranai II and Petrol. The funny thing is for both the movies they have not finalized the heroines. Only his solo shots are being canned. {Link}

Andy Dufresne would be proud.

Poor Katrina Kaif. Apparently, she was dancing on the sets of this movie called Anees Bazmee’s Welcome and her sandals broke. And then she danced again, and the sandals broke again. Where normal humans would’ve lost their cool, Kaif makes horrid jokes instead.

Kat’s wry humour bursts forth, as she tells her make-up lady, “The designer must have got these sandals at a toy shop!”… [Link]

Wry humor alright.

But our beef is not with Katrina, it is with Mid-Day. So this cameramen sees a girl in a “lime-green strappy number, with gold embroidery, hopping around on one foot” and this is the best picture he can get? Was wry humor the only thing bursting forth? Gad. Fire him already, will ya.

Courtesy Mid-Day

Wait, we have more.

Continue reading ‘Questions’

Both major Tamil weeklies this week open with a story that makes us deliriously happy. Apparently, Simbu – the man in the picture to the left – is reported to be high heels over head in love with our buxom mascot, Nayanthara. In real life, no less. And (knock on wood) the feeling is reported to be mutual, although she doesn’t wear high heels when he is around.

Now if only this were true, and the couple marry and she retires from movies like other buxom mascots, this blog will be closed for posts on the day of the wedding. Every single year till the divorce. And in an incredibly special gesture, Manoj has promised to replace the Ileana picture in his wallet with Simbu’s for a day. The studmuffin deserves it for his service to Tamil filmdom.

In his interview to Kumudam, Simbu all but acknowledges the rumors.

We are special friends. When I am around her, I feel something that I haven’t felt around other girls. She is certainly special.

Naturally, skeptic readers may think this is a just a publicity stunt to promote their upcoming movie. We at SilverScreen would like to reassure them that there is a lot of truth to the news. In fact, the two of them are so alike, it is a miracle they didn’t get together sooner. Consider this example.

Continue reading ‘A Tongue In Teeth Romance’

We firmly believe that Minissha Lamba, the Yahaan girl, as folks insist on telling us, will soon be known for much, much more.

I am surely obsessed with my growing hips. I want them to grow much bigger than they are. And that’s the reason I love doing all those things, which will make my hip bigger and bigger. I feel there is nothing wrong in having bigger hips.[Link]

I am not against the skin show if it is done without any compromise. I love playing characters that runs around tress and frolic in romantic situations… [Link]

Hat Tip: Amit Varma [Link]

Since the days of Raj Kapoor, we’ve been exporting talent and beauty to Bollywood. Take a moment to consider this wall of fame.

Personally, I used to feel a sense of loss – a nagging thought that all these talented actors and actresses were somehow spirited away, seduced by the moolah and the opportunities to sing and dance in Gstaad.

Clearly, I was too hasty in thinking of all this as being an exodus. I know better now. It’s all part of a truly diabolical scheme – something larger, grander than I’d ever dared to imagine. Every dusky beauty we’ve let them have, every hunk with a sweet smile – Trojan horses, every single one of ‘em.

This is what they’re going to get, soon!

To listen to the newest Bollywood star perform in the Rashtrabhasha, click here.

In a blistering piece of burning-truth journalism, Sify declares that ‘Ileana is important’. Pfffft, say it along with me Karthik – We know!

And how important is she?

…there is tremendous pressure on her to do the Tamil remake of Pokiri opposite Tamil superstar Vijay. Link

Pressure, as in, shameless grovelling by producers wearing I heart Ileana T-shirts (made in Florida). The article also mentions that she might give other actresses a run for their money, or as Nayantara calls it, a much needed workout.

As election results are announced, the film industry in Madras is said to be all aflutter. Having gone all out to campaign for the losing side, they’re apparently nervous about what’s in store for them under the new regime. So this finger phenomenon apparently does not

mean, “Here, I’ll scratch your back and you can scratch mine.” We live and we learn.

In other news, our very own bete noire was urged to look sexier (wow – how come we never thought of this before? If you want someone to look sexy, all you have to is ask!)

In Bollywood, ask anyone to name their favorite Bhatt classic and you’ll hear them say – “Why? All his autobiographical films of course, and *wink wink* Jennifer Lopez’s too. Get it? Bhatt-Butt?” If you can ignore the tasteless joke, you’ll realize it’s true.

Hop on a time machine, and you could watch Mahesh Bhatt’s past in Eastman Color and marvel at his phillum-like life (while you’re there tell me that Neelima is not interested in me). Which is why Bhatt-saab didn’t make just one, but three autobiographical movies. Except…he got drunk, a lot, while making them and left daughter Pooja Bhatt with a definitely weird childhood that has her speaking at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting years later about what it meant to have an alcoholic father around.

But Bhatt that she is, an emotional speech is but a trailer for what will follow.

Continue reading ‘Know your Bhatts’